Skyscraper
by mysticalforces
Summary: AU: Michael came to town looking for his brother's killer. What will happen when the killer is the girl he falls in love with? {Heavily Mikita focused but some supporting Salex}
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I know what you guys are thinking. A third Mikita story? Lol. It's gonna be quite a juggle, but I couldn't help it. Hope you guys like this first chapter :)

Chapter 1

_*New York*_  
_*A Club, Nicola*_

"God, this is gonna be a long week, I can tell." Nikita James moaned as she stepped behind the bar.

"Why do you say that?" Alex asked.

Alex was Nikita's best friend. They were also roommates.

"Because," Nikita looked around, to see if anyone was looking at them. "I had a dream."

"Really?" Alex's eyes gleamed. "Do tell."

Nikita smacked her arm.

"Not _that_ kind of dream, Alex." Nikita rolled her eyes at her friend. "Does your mind _always_ have to be in the gutter?"

"Sorry." Alex laughed. "So, what was this dream about?"

"What it's always about." Nikita's smile vanished, and it was replaced with a tormented look. "I had another dream about him chasing me through the woods."

Alex's eyes immediately softened.

"God, Nikki...I'm sorry. I thought things were getting better." Alex said softly.

"So did I." Nikita admitted. "It's been three years. Three years, Alex. Then, last night before I went to bed, I heard on the news that a body had been recovered."

Alex gasped. "You don't mean that..."

"I'm afraid so, Alex. I think that it's only a matter of time before everyone finds out what happened." Nikita admitted fearfully.

Nikita knew this day would eventually come, she just wished it wasn't coming now, when she was finally getting her life back on track, only to have it all ripped away by a dark prison-cell.

It'd be like rewinding to five years ago. She'd spent five years in prison, then she'd been strong enough to free herself, and now that was gonna get her thrown in real prison.

"Sweetie, it wasn't your fault." Alex shook her head, the anger she'd felt for the bastard who had hurt her friend so deeply coming to the surface. "The freak had it coming!"

"Doesn't excuse what I did, Alex." Nikita shook her head, guilt once again coming back on her. "Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Nikita, don't. Don't start feeling guilty again." Alex scolded. "Remember all the crap he put you through?"

Nikita nodded.

Nikita did remember. She remembered all too well.

_"You don't ever disrespect me again, you stupid Bitch!"_

_She received a harsh blow and fell hard onto the floor._

_"You know that this all your fault. You make me this way!" He screamed manically getting closer and closer to her already bruised face.._

"Yeah," Nikita sighed, she felt the tears glisten in her eyes at the horrible memories. "yeah, I remember."

_*New York*_  
_*A Street Corner*_

"Hey! A moment of your time, please." Agent Michael West stopped a guy on the street corner.

"What can I do for you?" The guy asked politely.

"I'm looking for some information." Michael said business-like, but with a friendly smile.

"What for?" The guy asked curiously.

"I'm special FBI Agent Michael West and I'm looking for..." But Michael never got out the rest of his sentence, because the minute 'West' came out, they other guy freaked out.

The guy suddenly got a fearful look in his eyes.

"Um, Dude, here!" He threw his wallet at him. "Take it all!"

The guy ran off.

"Hey, hey! Wait a second! Did you not hear I'm with the FBI?!" Michael yelled baffled. "It's not a negotiation!"

Michael shook his head.

What was with these people?

You don't just run away from an FBI Agent. They're required to talk to him by law, but this guy was the third person that didn't take that into consideration. The only thing he could think was that they all knew his brother. His must've scared them on some sort of occasion. Although, as far as he knew, his brother had been using Fletcher instead of West. So, none of this really made any sense to him.

Another civilian, a young male in mid twenties was walking by him, and Michael decided to try again.

"Excuse me?" Michael tapped the guy on the shoulder.

"Yeah?" The guy turned around.

"Oh my God!" Michael was shocked, then his face broke out into a smile. "Sean, it's been a long time."

"What's up, Michael?" Sean grinned back.

The two guys hugged.

"How've you been, man?" Sean asked. "Haven't seen you around in forever."

"I've been better, man." Michael answered honestly. "Police work is hectic."

"I never figured you for a police officer. I always thought you'd go into social work or something" Sean said with a smile. "I'm glad you're doing something good with your life though."

"It's the best thing I've ever done with my life, Sean." Michael replied with a smile. "So, how's your music going?"

"It's in a rut." Sean answered with a frown. "I'm kinda stuck at the moment. So, what is going on, man?"

"I was kinda hoping you could answer that for me." Michael said. "Every time I mention my last name, people go running in the other direction like I'm about to drag them off to their own execution."

Sean laughed. "Yeah, well your brother wasn't exactly on everybody's Christmas list, if you know what I mean." Sean's eyes frowned as he got more serious. "You probably don't wanna hear this, but your brother hurt a lot of people."

"I figured as much." Michael said. "After our sister died, he just went down-hill. Much like my music career."

"I'm sorry about that, man." Sean said sympathetically. "I'm sorry about your sister and about your music. Maybe things would've turned out better for you, if I'd stayed, but I just..."

"You just had to see what else was out there for you." Michael finished for him. "I get that man. Don't ever be sorry for living your life. I knew the band had to end sometime. If it hadn't, I never would've found this job and I love it, Sean."

"I'm glad, Michael." Sean replied with a smile. "I'm glad you've found your calling."

Michael nodded again. "I heard that my brother's body has been recovered and that he's dead. Not that big of a shock to me, I mean the way he treats people and makes enemies, I assumed that sooner or later, he'd cross the wrong person." He explained. "I'm here because I wanna know who killed my brother. I need to know. So, can you tell me where he hung out at?" Michael asked. "Maybe make my job a little easier?"

"Yeah, sure no problem, man." Sean agreed. "It's a Club called Nicola." At Michael's raised eyebrow, he elaborated. "I know it's a funky name, but it's an awesome club. He went there alot because my girlfriend's best friend works there."

This was turning out much better than his other leads had for the past five months. "What's her friend's name?" Michael asked.

"Nikita James, but I assure you, she didn't kill your brother." Sean assured him. "I've known the girl for five years. She may be able to pack punch like a tiger, but she's no killer."

Sean's assurances really didn't help Michael any. He'd decide whether or not this Nikita girl killed his brother, after he'd successfully interrogated her.

"So, what was the relationship between Ms. James and my brother?" Michael asked in a business-like way.

"Well, they were dating for a long while. In the beginning, he made her very happy, and things went bad in the end." Sean said, not wanting to invade Nikita's privacy by going any deeper. "So, Ryan never came home at all? Not even to introduce his girlfriend to you?" Sean found that really weird.

Michael shook his head in the negative. "No, my brother liked to keep to himself. He pulled away from me and the whole family after..." Michael trailed off, not wanting to rehash the whole death of his sister. "Well, you know what happened. Life dealt our family a shitty hand and my brother couldn't deal, so he turned to a bad life-style and shut us out."

"It's terrible that he didn't even come home at all. I couldn't imagine shutting my whole family out like that." Sean said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, but that's life. You either roll with it or you do what Ryan did and you don't." Michael replied. "So, how bad are we talking?"

"Look, I can't tell you, man." Sean said with regret. "I'd be betraying a friend's confidence. Not everyone knows about what went down between her and Ryan. It was pretty fucked up. I doubt she wants that story going around for people to know about."

Michael sighed. The part of him that was friends with Sean respected that he wanted to protect Nikita but the cop part of him and the part of him that wanted answers about his brother was frustrated.

"I understand you wanna protect your friend, but I need you to be straight with me. I have to know everything. If your friend didn't kill my brother, than someone else did. And that same someone else could go after her." Michael stated.

"Alright, but remember you asked to hear this." Sean warned. It wasn't just Nikita he wanted to protect, he knew it'd disappoint Michael to find out what a monster his brother became.

"Please, just tell me. Its ok." Michael encouraged.

"Ryan used to beat Nikita up pretty bad." Sean said after a few minutes.

Michael looked down.

How had his brother changed so much? To stoop to hurting a woman? If his brother weren't already dead, Michael would've probably killed him or at the very least beat some sense into him. He just had no tolerance for abusers, brother or not. That's why he got into the police field after his music career failed to begin with. He wanted to put a stop to all the violence in the world.

"They had what you would call a toxic relationship. He'd call her awful names and beat her up and she'd leave. She'd go to my girlfriend, Alex's. And he'd always come back around, apologizing. Saying he didn't mean it and that he loved her." Sean continued, bitterness in his tone.

Truthfully, Sean hated Ryan. He was glad he was dead. The sick bastard did nothing but make Nikita's life a living hell when he was alive. And what he almost did to Alex, the woman he loved more than life itself...That alone was enough to make Sean want him dead.

"And she went back to him?" Michael assumed. What he was hearing was the classic domestic abuse case.

"Yeah," Sean said softly. "She always went back."

"Well, thank you, Sean. I hope I can finally figure this whole thing out." Michael said.

"You're welcome." Sean said. "I hope I haven't made a mistake in telling you this. And please go easy on Nikita, alright? You have no idea what she's been through."

"No, you did the right thing, man. I'll find out who killed my brother." Michael promised.

_Yeah, that's what worries me_, Sean thought with fear.

"And I'll be gentle with your friend." Michael assured. "I'm the good guy, remember?" He laughed.

Sean just smiled. "Don't be a stranger, man. We should hang out sometime."

"We will." Michael called back out to him.

With that, Michael took off for Nicola.

Agent Michael West walked into 'Nicola' with a mission in mind. To find Nikita James and find out everything that went down. He knew to do that he'd have to go undercover, become her friend, her confidant.

Michael walks over to the bar and sits down.

"Hey, can I get a scotch and soda?" Michael asked politely.

"Sure." Nikita replied, then did a double take as she looked at him. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

For a moment, Michael thought she might've recognized him from his earlier band days, but that thought faded, when she gave him a look that was almost with fear. No one who knew from his 'New Moon Rising' days had ever feared him.

"I doubt it." Michael replied. "I just came to town and if I knew you, I doubt I'd like forget a face like yours." He gave her his charming smile.

Nikita just looked at him for a second. She felt this rush of fear. It was completely irrational on her part. She knew what was going on in her head was crazy. This stranger was not Ryan and yet when she looked at him, that's all she saw. All she felt.

"Hey, are you okay?" Michael asked her, a hint of concern in his voice.

He couldn't really explain it, but he felt something for this girl, he couldn't really explain or rationalize.

_You'd better rationalize it quick!_ A voice in his head yelled. _You can't be developing feelings for a girl you don't even know, and who could've killed your brother._

"Huh?" Nikita asked absentmindedly.

"You're looking at me like I killed your dog or something." Michael said with a laugh. "And you're putting vodka and whiskey in that glass. when I ordered a scotch and soda."

"Oh!" Nikita gave a nervous laugh and felt completely stupid. "I'm so sorry! This is gonna sound insane, but you look like someone I used to know. It kinda freaked me out!"

"Oh, well it's okay. I've met at alot of different people and thought they reminded me of somebody." Michael told her, his voice calm and he hoped soothing.

Nikita dumped the drink out and made a scotch and soda for him.

"Again, I'm so sorry." Nikita apologized, placing his drink in front of him.

"Hey, no worries." Michael waved his hand in dismissal. "It could happen to anyone."

A few seconds passed by with silence.

"So, you work here long?" Michael asked. He had to make conversation somehow.

"Pretty much my whole life." Nikita said, then laughed. "Well, my whole working life anyway." She lied.

Nikita had a couple of other jobs earlier on before she and Alex had ever opened this club, but this stranger didn't need to know that.

"So, I'm new in town." Michael said. "I was wondering if you could tell me what you know about Ryan Fletcher or a Ryan West."

Nikita's face paled.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I wanna thank you guys for the reviews and follows! I noticed someone pointed out about changing the rating to T...as you continue reading the chapters, you'll see why this has a M rating. Hope you guys like this next chapter :)

Chapter 2

"I was wondering if you could tell me what you know about Ryan Fletcher or a Ryan West."

Again, that name that had been on her mind all day. It had given her nightmares.

Nikita's face went white as a sheet.

Michael knew right then and there that his instincts about this girl had been right. She had a part in what happened to his brother or at the very least she knew something.

"Ryan, was it? Fletcher…West?" Nikita asked nervously. "Hey, I'm just a bartender. I don't know who you're talking about." She quickly looked down to avoid meeting his eyes and that right there told Michael everything.

"Sorry, my mistake." Michael backed off. He knew when to quit. "So, what's your name?"

"That's really none of your business." Nikita told him, her tone like ice. "Now, if this drink is all you'll be having, I really do have other customers to attend to."

None of the friendliness that he'd seen just seconds before was there anymore.

Michael could have kicked himself. He'd completely screwed this up. He'd come on way too fast and too strong, he probably scared her.

Nikita was making her way to leave, and Michael quickly but gently grabbed her hand. "Hey, I'm sorry." Michael apologized.

Nikita's eyes softened but she pulled her hand away. Michael couldn't quit explain the loss he felt at her pulling away.

"Let's start over. I'm Michael We...Web." He recovered.

_Stupid move_, he scolded himself. He couldn't let her know he was in any relation to Ryan. "And I'm with the FBI."

"You're a federal agent?" Nikita questioned with a quiver.

Oh, God. It was happening. The FBI was involved with Ryan's murder. That was huge. She may be able to avoid his questions now, but he'd eventually put two and two together. What was she gonna do? Tell him the truth now, or wait for him to expose her?

"You got it." Michael said with a smile. "Agent Michael Web at your service."

Nikita got even more nervous than before. She felt a panic attack coming on.

"Um, excuse me a moment." She pulled a bottle of pills out of her purse.

"Are you sick?" Michael asked her truly concerned. That was a huge bottle of pills and he glimpsed a look into her bag and saw there were more bottles from where that one came from.

"No, I'm an addict and I take pills for the fun of it in front of complete strangers." Nikita said sarcastically.

Michael glared at her. Great, another wise ass. "Look, I'd appreciate it if you'd cut the attitude, Nikita. I'm just trying to do my job." He stated annoyed. "It's nothing personal."

The last thing Michael needed was some smart-ass. He just wanted to get to the truth and put his brother to rest. Then, try to get on with his life.

Nikita looked at him in alarm.

"How'd you know my name?" She demanded.

"It's on your name tag, sweetheart." Michael told her in annoyance. People were way too damn paranoid these days.

Nikita smiled sheepishly. She was already getting way to paranoid. It was just something about this guy. He made her feel almost the way Ryan used to...before he became violent.

She took the pills, then turned her attention back to him.

"So, you're a Federal Agent." Nikita said again.

"Yeah, I am." Michael nodded.

At least he hadn't completely lied. He really was an FBI Agent.

"I'm here investigating the murder of Ryan West. Or in your case, Ryan Fletcher."

"Hey, like I said, I'm just a bartender. I don't know who you're talking about." Nikita said, hoping she sounded convincing. She was avoiding his eyes at all cost.

"Nikita, you really shouldn't lie to me. See, it hurts my feelings and it insults my intelligence." Michael stated.

To hell with befriending her, she was already stone-walling him. He just wanted some answers and if he had to interrogate her into next week, he was damn well gonna get them.

"I'm _not_ lying!" Nikita shouted.

Her face was inches from Michael's. Michael had to resist the urge to just grab her and kiss her. He shook his head mentally. He had to focus on the job at hand. He'd figure out what he felt for her personally later on.

"It was a simple assessment, Nikita." Michael said calmly. "What are you getting all excited for?"

"What the hell are you trying to say, Agent Web?" Nikita threw back. "Are you accusing me of something?"

"Look, I talked to a guy named Sean. He told me some stuff. So, I know for a fact you used to date my br-victim." Michael recovered.

"Your victim?" Nikita gave Michael a strange look. "Geez, I didn't know you agents had such a close, personal relationship with the dead." She said sarcastically.

Michael sighed. This was not working. He was sabotaging himself. At the rate he was going, this girl wouldn't share with him what her daily meals were, let alone what her part in his brother's murder was.

"I don't have a personal relationship with the dead, okay?." Michael sighed. "Look, lets just stop dancing around here, okay? I talked to your friend, Sean. I know that you had a relationship with Ryan Fletcher. Now, I wanna know the rest. No more games, just talk to me."

Nikita knew their was no point in denying she knew who Ryan was any longer. This agent had obviously done his homework.

"Look," Nikita sighed. "I'm sorry I lied, okay? Yes, I knew Ryan. He used to be a big part of my life, but that ended a long time ago. In fact, it ended the minute I found out who he really was. I haven't seen him in a long, long time, Agent Web. So, you'll just have to get your information else where. I have nothing else I can say to you."

Michael could tell that she was being honest to a technical extent. But that couldn't be everything. If Ryan was the monster that Sean made him out to be, there had to be more.

"What?!" Nikita shouted, annoyed.

"I'm sorry." Michael chuckled. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No." Nikita replied tersely. "You're just pissing me off."

"Yeah, well right back at you." Michael sneered.

"What the hell do you want from me, Agent Web?! I told you I had a relationship with Ryan. It's true. We dated for awhile, but it didn't work out. What are you gonna do? Arrest _every_ girl who dated him? Cause if so, you'll be locking up alot of girls!" Nikita exploded. "And I'm not even counting the ones he just decided to fuck."

Michael sat back in his bar stool, a small laugh fighting it's way through his mouth. This girl had fire, he admired that.

"Woah, hey, just calm down, sweetheart. I'm not here to arrest you. I'm here to arrest whoever killed Ryan. I came here in hopes that you might be able to help me." Michael replied.

At first he thought that this woman killed his brother, but now he wasn't so sure. She seemed terrified. He was now beginning to think that she knew who did, but was scared to tell.

"I don't know who killed Ryan alright?" Nikita grounded out. "Now, I would really appreciate it if you would leave!"

Michael realized he wasn't gonna get anything else out of her, so he relented.

"Alright, I'll go." Michael stood up, leaving a twenty on the counter. "I'm sorry I upset you." He offered.

Nikita just scoffed at him. Was this guy for real? "You're sorry you upset me?!"

"Yes." Michael replied calmly, genuinely. "I really am, Nikita. It wasn't my intention."

"What the hell did you expect from me?" Nikita asked him. "You want the 411, Agent Web?! Here, goes! Ryan Fletcher…West what the fuck ever his _real_ name was, was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And that is not an understatement! The things he did to me..." She broke off, not able to continue. "Well, I hope to God no one ever has to go through that."

Michael looked down ashamed. Why was he acting like his brother was the innocent one? For all he knew his brother could've gotten exactly what he deserved, but he didn't know enough to come to that conclusion yet. What he did know, what he felt was that this was no act Nikita James was putting on. He knew abused people when he saw them. You can never fake that kind of look, and even with all the fire she had in her, he could still see it. He saw in her, what he saw in himself when he was just a child.

Nikita continued on. "You say you talked to Sean. I'm sure he offered up a few words of what a monster that man was. I don't like talking about him. I don't like thinking about him. You've managed to make me do both. All in a matter of fifteen minutes."

Michael looked down once again, feeling bad.

"I'm sorry." He offered sincerely. "I really was just doing my job. I'll see you around, Nikita." Michael gave her a small sad smile and left.

Nikita stared after him, wiping the bar down.

She didn't know how much longer she could live with this burden.

***

*New York*  
Nikita and Alex's Penthouse

"Hey!" Alex greeted from her spot on the couch as her friend entered their house.

"Hey," Nikita responded dejectedly. She put her things down and slumped into the chair to the right of the couch.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked concerned. "Did something happen?"

"Just that my life is going up in flames and I don't have a clue how to make it stop." Nikita replied, tears stinging her eyes.

Alex frowned. She got up from the couch and kneeled in front of Nikita. "Hey," She said softly. She gently touched her knee. "What is it?"

Nikita blinked back tears. "Alex," Her voice broke. "I met a detective today. He came in asking me all these questions about Ryan…I don't know how but…he knows!" She covered her face as sobs wracked her small form.

Alex reached up and gently took her hand away from her face and held it in hers. "What do you mean, he knows? That's impossible, remember? It…its _impossible_! He's probably just trying to scare you into confessing so that he can put a stupid case about some stupid bastard that no one even gives a damn about anymore to rest."

"But it's the truth, Alex! _I_ killed him!" Nikita sobbed. "I may not have hid the body and made this lousy mess," Alex looked down in guilt. "but I am the reason that he is no longer breathing. I did that!"

Alex sighed. "Listen, its gonna be ok alright? There isn't any proof and as long as you…" She took a breath and chose her words carefully. Her best friend was on edge lately and the last thing she wanted to do was insult her unknowingly. "As long as you don't _say_ anything than this is gonna go away."

"Alex," Nikita sighed. Alex was her best friend and she loved her dearly but she needed her to wake up and join her in the real world. There was no way this was going to go away. "I think you and both know that's not gonna happen."

"No, it will!" Alex insisted. "I mean, come on! There are like a trillion people who wanted Ryan dead, right?"

"But I'm the only one who _made_ him dead, Alex." Nikita replied, wiping her face.

Alex sat back, not knowing how to respond to that. It was the truth. Nikita had killed him but in her book all the reasons were justifiable. But her best friend was just so sweet and good that she would never see it that way.

"It'll be ok," Alex repeated softly.

Nikita just shook her head. She didn't know what she believed anymore.

***

Michael had finished doing his rounds of the city and decided to come back to 'Nichol'.

The truth was, he felt really bad about how things had gone down with Nikita. He wanted to apologize to her and he also wanted to tell her the truth.

All this lying and manipulation…it wasn't who he was. He couldn't let himself become his brother, not any part of him even if it was to solve a case.

He walked into the club and was disappointed to see that the girl behind the bar was not Nikita, it was someone else.

He sighed about to walk out when he happened to notice a familiar face.

"Hey," Michael greeted.

Sean turned around and smiled. "Oh, hey Michael! Have a seat."

Michael took a seat at the table with his friend.

"So, you come in here looking for Nikita?" Sean assumed.

"Yes," Michael admitted. "but I actually talked to her earlier."

"Oh?" Sean was surprised. "You forget to ask her something?"

"No," Michael sighed. "I um…I know you told me to go easy on her Sean but…"

Sean frowned. "But you didn't. Michael, she has had a really hard time of it. I understand that there's Cop Michael and…well _Michael_, but, c'mon man. Can't you try to be both every once and awhile? I warned you to go easy on her."

"Sean, I know you won't understand this but as a cop it is my job to interrogate anyone who could have information pertaining to a case that I am investigating." Michael explained with a sigh. "And this whole interrogation…it doesn't come with a box of chocolates, alright? Its real, it can be harsh and can even hurt."

"I get that, Michael." Sean rubbed a hand over his face. "I really do, but I need you to understand that Nikita is my friend, ok? I've been with her best friend, Alex for the past three years. Nikita is like a sister to me. She's been through hell and friend or not, cop or not, I'm not gonna let you hurt her. Its not gonna happen, Michael."

Michael sat back stunned and felt an unfamiliar wave of jealousy pass through him. "I didn't realize this girl meant so much to you."

Sean scoffed. "You can take off the detective binocular shit right now, Michael. There's nothing for you to find. I love Alex, and Nikita happens to come with her and yes I have grown to care about her. She's the surrogate sister I've never had. But that's where it ends."

Michael nodded, he could tell that his friend was telling the truth. About his relationship with both girls that is. He was still undecided on where to place Nikita with his brother's murder.

"Sean, I'm not here to hurt your friend alright?" Michael assured him. "I…" He paused not sure how to say it.

Sean's eyes turned serious. "What is it, Michael?"

"I just met Nikita today but…" Michael breathed. "There is a part…I'm not sure how big or how strong this part is, but there is a part of me that wants answers not just for my brother but so that I can help her."

Now Sean was stunned. "You mean that, don't you?"

Michael nodded sincerely. "I do mean it. After…I lost my head, ok? She wasn't answering my questions, she was being evasive and I let the personal part of me take over. The part of me that misses my brother and wants justice for him…it took over. I got harsh with her and I regret that. I saw the pain in her eyes, she didn't let it show for long…she's very independent that one, but I saw it. I came back here to apologize to her. I didn't mean to be cruel."

Sean nodded. "I know that's not who you are, Michael. I understand that you loved your brother, but there is something I need you to understand."

"He didn't treat Nikita, right," Michael spoke softly, his head down. It was the knowledge of knowing that his brother had laid his hands on Nikita that made him feel disgusted with himself for even missing him. "I know th-"

"No!" Sean's voice was sharp, and it made Michael look up at him. "You don't know, Michael. You don't have a clue about your brother and Nikita."

Michael was silent. He wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"But you're about to," Sean continued. "However, before I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need your word. I need your word as Michael my best friend, not Michael the FBI Agent, My friend Michael…I need your word that you will _never_ tell Nikita or Alex for that matter that I told you what I'm about to."

Michael was conflicted. "Sean, if it pertains to this case then I have no choice but to-"

"For God's sake, Michael!" Sean snapped. "I'm asking you as a fucking friend. Can you wrap your head around that and stop being a cop for the two seconds its gonna take for me to tell you this one thing." Sean sighed. "Please, Michael."

Michael sighed and nodded his head. "Ok. You're right. You have my honest to God word, Sean. I won't use what you're about to tell me. I promise you."

Sean sighed in relief. "Thank you. Now this is gonna be hard for you to hear and probably hard for you to believe but I have no reason to lie to you and I think if you look within yourself you'll realize this is the truth."

"What is it, Sean?" Michael was afraid to know. He could tell that whatever was coming was bad.

"He raped her, Michael." Sean admitted.

Shock flooded through Michael and his eyes filled with disgust. "What?!"

"I don't know the specifics but its true. Your brother did rape Nikita." Sean explained.

Anger, disgust, and sorrow flooded through every part of Michael's being at those words. "I don't…I don't even know what to say." Michael said softly. "I can't…Jesus…what that poor girl must've…" He broke off. "Thank you for telling me this, Sean. I wish you had earlier, I would've handled Nikita so much differently."

"Its better late then never, right?"


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks so much for the reviews everyone! I noticed that some of you are having a hard time with Ryan being the bad guy. I'm sorry, but there is a reason I chose Ryan for this part. Not eveyything is quite so black and white. Any other typical bad guy with an edge...I just couldn't do it. I hope Ryan being the bad guy in this doesn't take away from your interest in the story. For the record I happen to love Ryan but he's who I happened to chose in this scenario. For those of you requesting Salex stuff...it's gonna happen. I have some big stuff planned out for them. Anyhow, hope you guys like this next chapter :)

Chapter 3

Nikita was wiping down the bar. It had been exactly two days since that interrogation with that FBI Agent. Ever since, she'd been having more nightmares and her anxiety attacks were increasing. She kept having repeated scenarios about being carted off to prison. None of those scenarios held any appeal either.

Michael walked into the club. He hoped that today, things might get better for him, case-wise. First, he had to smooth things over with Nikita. He really owed her an apology.

"Hello, Nikita." He gave her a small smile.

Nikita looked up at him. She had to fight the small smile, her face was about to show. There was just something about this guy. He got under her skin, but at the same time...she saw something in him that reminded her of herself somehow.

"Agent Web." Nikita acknowledged. "You back for round two?"

"Look, I think we both got started off on the wrong foot yesterday." Michael said.

"Oh," Nikita laughed, although there was no humor in her laugh at all. "wrong foot? Do you agents have a nice way of interrogating people? I believe, that's why they call it an interrogation. There's nothing nice or easy about it."

"You're right." Michael agreed. "I think we need to have all our cards out on the table."

"Excuse me?" Nikita was confused.

"You told me the truth, or at least part of the truth yesterday. I, however did not. I lied to you." Michael admitted.

"You lied to me?" Nikita repeated confused. "About what?"

Michael braced himself for the anger he was sure to incur once she found out about his lie. "I told you that my name was Agent Michael Web. Well, that's not true."

He didn't feel right about lying to her anymore, especially not after Sean had told him just how bad the whole thing was for Nikita. He just knew that if he could somehow connect with her, that she would talk to him, and then they could sort this whole Ryan thing out. And maybe he could help her.

"You're not a real FBI Agent?" Nikita asked. "I don't..." She shook her head, trying to make sense of this new found information. "I don't understand."

"Nikita..." Michael tried to explain.

"So, you lied about being an FBI Agent. Is this something you do...to get girls?!" Nikita was enraged by the mere idea.

If this had been a cheap attempt to get into her pants, she was gonna kick this guy's ass.

"Nikita, stop!" Michael sighed rubbing a hand over his face. "Of course, I'm an FBI Agent. I didn't lie about that."

Nikita visibly relaxed, although the anger was still some-what there.

"It's my last name that I lied about." Michael braced himself. Prepared for any angry words that this woman may throw in his well-deserved way.

Now, Nikita was even more confused. "You lied about your last name? Why would you-?"

_"I know for a fact you used to date my br-victim."_

_"Your victim?"_

Realization dawned on Nikita. "Oh my God." She whispered totally stunned. "I can't believe I didn't realize this before. Now, everything makes sense. Your little slip-up, the way you make me feel...God, I thought I was losing my mind." She shook her head. "I'm not. You're Michael West. Aren't you?"

Michael slowly nodded his head.

"Yeah, it's true. Ryan was my brother." Michael admitted.

Tears were glistening in Nikita's eyes. "Why did you lie?"

"I'm not proud of it, Nikita, but...I thought that if I pretended that I had no relation to Ryan, then maybe you might be more open about the whole thing." Michael explained.

"So, you were using me for a case?" Nikita realized, disgusted.

"Yeah, I was." Michael looked down, ashamed of himself. "I can't put into words how sorry I am."

The instinct to be angry with this man, was diminishing, when she realized that he'd blown the whole thing by telling her all of this. "So, why'd you blow it? Why did you tell me this?" Nikita asked.

"Because lying to you didn't feel right. I'm not a liar, Nikita. I'm not a user either. I couldn't go through with it, no matter how bad I want the truth about my brother. I'm not like that. I'm not like him." Michael replied.

"I guess you're not." Nikita said after a few moments.

"I'm sorry about the whole thing, Nikita. Truly." Michael apologized. "I know you're probably pissed at me, which you have every right to be, but could we start over?"

"Sure." Nikita agreed. "You made a mistake. You just wanted the truth. I guess, I can understand that."

"Really? You mean it?" Michael couldn't believe she was letting this go so easily.

"Yeah, just...don't ever lie to me again, okay?" Nikita's voice was soft and the look in her eyes showed him just how vulnerable she could truly be.

"It's a deal." Michael promised.

"I haven't told you the whole truth, Michael. You're right about that." Nikita admitted.

Truthfully, Nikita was tired of covering up this secret, and while this could be a huge mistake on her part, something about this guy made her think she could trust him and that he might want to help her. So, while it was against her better judgment, she decided to take a leap of faith.

"My shift's over. Can we go somewhere and talk?" Nikita asked.

"Yeah, of course." Michael agreed. "We could go to the park?"

Nikita shook her head. "Actually I was thinking more like the police station."

Michael looked at her shocked. "You wanna go to the police station. You mean you..."

"Yes." Nikita nodded. "I wanna make a confession. It has to be now, and it has to be before I change my mind. I'm ready to tell you exactly what happened to your brother."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

*New York*  
*NYPD*  
*An Interrogation Room*

"Listen," Michael began. "I know I came on incredibly strong with my interrogating at first, but...do you wanna call a lawyer before you tell me anything?"

"No." Nikita shook her head. "I can't live like this anymore. Truthfully, it was only a matter of time before this happened. I've known that all along. No delaying the inevitable."

Michael nodded, about to take something out of his pocket, than stopped.

"Are you sure, there's no one you'd like to call for legal representation?" He repeated.

This just felt so wrong to him. He didn't feel right having her tell him whatever it was that incriminated her in his brother's murder, without someone there to help her. It felt like it was a violation of her rights. And looking at her, he didn't feel like she could've done a anything wrong. Then there was the way he was feeling about her...he had deep, intense, real feelings for this girl. He'd tried to push them down, but they just kept getting stronger, forcing their way up.

"Michael, I'm sure. This is just it, okay? My life's over. There's no way out. All I can do now is tell you the truth and pray that God will forgive me, along with you eventually." Nikita finished in a pained whisper. She had no expectations...none except for him to hate her and for her to be thrown in prison for maybe the rest of her life.

"You're life's not over, Nikita." Michael softly replied. "I can promise you that."

Nikita lifted her eyes, to look at him. Tears were in her eyes. "You can't promise me something like that, Michael. You don't know what I've done."

"No, I don't." Michael agreed. "I can see that it's eating up inside though. It has been all along, hasn't it?"

"Look, this is pointless." Nikita said. "You're trying to be nice and sympathize with me, and I'm telling you that it doesn't matter. None of it matters."

Michael looked hurt, and Nikita elaborated. "This is coming out wrong." She sighed. "Your kindness means alot, Michael. You barely know me. You're being so nice to me. What I was trying to say is that I don't matter. My feelings don't matter, they never did. Not even back when they should've."

"I'm sorry, Nikita." Michael shook his head. "I'm sorry my brother made you feel like that. It ends now. Your feelings are important, Nikita. They're important to me. I promise you, I will do anything I can to help you."

"Thank you, Michael." Nikita nodded. "That means alot. Lets just get on with this. Before I chicken out."

Michael pulled out a tape recorder. "Okay," He finally agreed, realizing that she really was relinquishing all her rights and nothing he could say would change her mind. He turned the tape recorder on. "State your name for the record."

Nikita took a shaky deep breath. She was trying to remain strong but the truth was she was absolutely terrified. "Nikita James."

"So, how did you and Ryan West meet?" Michael asked, trying to give her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"In collage." Nikita replied. "It was half way into the end of my first year. He'd just transferred in..."

"Hey."

Nikita turned her head to look at the new guy sitting right next to her.

"Hi." Nikita gave him a friendly smile. "You must be my new lab partner."

"The key word is 'new'." Ryan replied with a smile.

Nikita laughed. "Don't worry, you'll get through it."

"So, I'm Ryan Fletcher. I just transferred here from LA."

"Wow." Nikita said impressed. "LA. I've always wanted to go there."

"It's nothing all that spectacular." Ryan shrugged.

"Well, my name is Nikita James." Nikita smiled.

"Good to meet you, Nikita." Ryan smiled.

"Good to meet you too."

"So, that's how it all started." Nikita recalled, coming back to the present. "He was a very nice at first. Nothing struck me about him being mean or anything like that. He had a funny charm about him."

"I'd like to think he got that from me." Michael joked.

Nikita smiled.

"Um but..." Michael furrowed his brow. "If he introduced himself to you as Fletcher how did you even know he was really West?"

"Um I..." Nikita sighed. "I just found out a little bit late is all. There was alot about Ryan that I did not know when we first got together. He weaved a pretty tangled web and I fell right into it."

Michael nodded, empathizing with her. It wasn't fair that someone as sweet as her had gotten dragged into his lies. "Did he ever tell you about Lydia?"

Nikita shook her head. "I found a picture of them one time and asked him about it and he got really angry." She looked shaken just thinking about that memory. "He smashed the frame and told me not to look into things that were and I quote 'none of my fucking business'. I assumed she was a past girlfriend or something. Whatever she had been to him...he clearly wasn't over it. That put alot of strain on our relationship."

"Nikita," First off Michael couldn't believe that Ryan would treat someone he claimed to love like that but then again he'd shut his whole family out after what happened to Lydia so why wouldn't he do the same to Nikita?

Michael sighed. "Lydia was not his girlfriend. She was our sister." Nikita's eyes widened in shock. "She died and he never got over that. He pulled away from us and left."

"I..." Nikita breathed deeply. "I'm so sorry, Michael. I had no idea."

Michael gave her a gentle smile. "It's ok. There's no way you could've known. He shut you out of that, just like he did to us. He thought that I didn't care because I wouldn't go all vigilante and get her justice. That's just not how I was made. I can't just kill people. That's why I became a cop. I won't deny that there weren't times when I nearly crawled into a bottle and never came out. I loved Lydia so much but I couldn't let myself self destruct. I couldn't do that to the people that needed me, and also I knew that is not what Lydia would've wanted. My sister was a good person. Ryan however...took a different path."

Nikita blinked back tears. She never thought that she could just kill someone either. No matter how horrible Ryan had been to her, she didn't think she'd ever forgive herself. And now because of her, Michael had lost two siblings. "The next day, he asked me out." She continued.

"Did he seem at all threatening to you?" Michael asked.

"No." Nikita replied. "He seemed like he liked me, ya know? He was interested in the same stuff I was. He wanted to hang out with me. He wanted to be with me." Nikita got a far off look in her eyes, as she was dragged back into the past once again...

"So, what do you wanna do, babe?" Ryan asked her affectionately.

"Um...anything!" Nikita answered with a giggle. She'd never been so happy.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Ryan asked.

"Sure!" Nikita replied.

They were sitting down on the couch.

They had decided on watching 'A Walk To Remember'

By the end of it, Nikita was in tears, along with Ryan.

"Ryan?" Nikita asked in surprise. "Oh my God, are you actually crying?"

Ryan looked at her, a hint of tears glistening in his eyes. "It's just the saddest thing I've ever seen." He shook his head. "I can't even imagine..."

"What?" Nikita asked softly.

"I can't even imagine what it would be like if I lost you." Ryan reached out and touched her face. "Everything about you is just...it's the best, Nikita. The best there is."

Nikita was overcome by his words. She didn't know what to say. She was literally at a loss for words. Which was pretty rare for her. "You're...you're the best thing to enter my life in a long, long time, Ryan." She told him.

She wasn't very good with words. She'd had a terrible childhood and no one in her life, not even her parents had ever told her they loved her. So, she kept her heart pretty closed off.

"I don't know if that means very much, considering what you just told me, but..."

"No, it does." Ryan said, "It means everything. Don't you ever leave me."

Nikita smiled, not realizing at the time how much she'd come to regret these next words. "I won't. I promise I will never leave you."

"No one had ever said anything so great to me before, Michael." Nikita said, coming back to the present. "I never thought that anyone would ever see me the way he did. He loved me. He wanted to be with me."

Michael looked at her with gentle eyes, just listening to her story. He could tell that she'd had a pretty rotten life so far. He could also tell that alot of it had to have stemmed from early childhood. "Your parents never told you they loved you?"

"No." Nikita shook her head. "Not once. I was always...in their own words, 'their greatest disappointment'."

Michael felt anger stir up in him at hearing what bastards her parents sounded like. "I'm sorry." He said softly. "That must've been awful for you."

"Been through worse." Nikita said softly.

Michael nodded his head in acknowledgement. He already knew that. She'd been through the worst thing a woman could go through. He wanted to tell her that he knew but he'd promised Sean.

"I think that you should know, that I'm telling you about two different Ryan's." Nikita said.

Michael looked at her in slight confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Right now, you're hearing about the Ryan I fell in love with. The Ryan that loved me in return and that would never in a million years hurt me, or so I thought." Nikita explained. "Now, I'm gonna tell you about the other Ryan. The Ryan that got so deeply involved in drugs and alcohol and that damn mafia gig, that he lost himself. In losing himself, he lost me. He lost my love, my respect, and above all else, he lost my trust."

Michael was sitting across the table from her. Just taking in what she'd just revealed and what it all meant. He was about to be let in on the other side of Ryan. The side that he never saw and the side that he was scared to death of meeting.

"Things with Ryan were so amazing in the beginning. He was sweet to me. I did love him." Nikita stated firmly. "I need you to know that, Michael. Because, what I'm about to get into is pretty bad, but I need to you know that I did love your brother."

Michael just looked at her. He was pretty good at reading people, and he could tell that she desperately wanted him to believe that. He believed her. He believed she was telling him the truth.

"I believe you, sweetheart. I do." He assured her, not even thinking twice about the endearment he'd just used. "Why is it so important to you that I believe that you cared about Ryan?"

"Because," Without warning, tears began streaming down her face as she let out a small, but loud sob. "I need someone to believe that I did!" Nikita covered her face, as she sobbed. "Ryan never believed me! He never-" Nikita cut herself off, trying to calm herself down. She hadn't meant to break down like that.

Michael looked at Nikita with compassion. He didn't even know yet every single detail of what his brother had done to her, but he already felt anger towards his brother, even though he were dead because he already knew he had raped her. He could see how much pain Nikita was in and it killed him. He'd only known her for a few days, but he had come to care about her in such a short time.

Truthfully, he'd never known what to do whenever the women he'd interrogate would start crying, he always felt awkward, sometimes even annoyed. And that was because some of them would do it to play on his sympathies. He knew that wasn't the case with Nikita. He could tell the pain she was in was real. What also was different with her, was that he didn't feel awkward because of her crying, he just felt this need to make her feel better. To protect her from reliving all this, even though he knew he couldn't.

Michael reached out from across the table and took her hand that wasn't covering her face in his hand. He tenderly caressed it, trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," Nikita cried, trying in vain to stop her crying.

"Don't be." Michael said softly. "Someone once told me that crying doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. It makes you stronger, because you're facing the pain and you're not running away from it."

Nikita wiped her face with her hand, she brought her hand down from her face. Her face was tear-streaked, and fresh ones were still working their way down her face. To anyone else she may have looked like a total wreck, but she'd never looked more beautiful to him.

Michael took his free hand that wasn't holding her hand and reached out and gently wiped away a few of her tears. He took her other hand in his.

"Wh...who told you that?" Nikita asked tearfully.

Michael looked down at the table, then back up at her face. He debated on telling her who had told him that, but then he decided on the truth. "My brother told me that." He admitted after a few seconds.

Nikita let out another sob at that. "Oh God!" She closed her eyes tightly as even more tears worked their way down her face. "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" At this point she was completely hysterical, she just kept repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

Michael got up and pulled his chair right next to her and sat back down. "Sweetheart," He said gently, but firmly. "Look at me."

"I can't," Nikita cried.

"Yes, you can." Michael said firmly. "Come on, open your eyes and look at me."

"I don't deserve to. Not after what I've done." She bowed her head down, as she continued to cry.

Michael let go of her hands and reached out to take her face in his hands. "Look at me!" He said a little louder.

Nikita froze, as she was transported back to another time, back to last time those words had been shouted at her...

"Hey, Sweetie." Nikita called out cheerily, as she walked through the front door of her and Ryan's apartment.

Ryan was sitting in his chair in the living room. He was in the dark. It suited his mood, because his eyes were completely dark.

"Ryan, what are you doing in the dark?" Nikita asked him confused.

"Waiting for you." Ryan replied angrily. "Which is something I've been doing for five damn hours! Where the fuck have you been, Nikita?!"

Nikita took a step back, not liking his attitude. His eyes... She sighed, as a new realization dawned upon her. Ryan was drunk.

"Ryan, have you been drinking?"

"Had to do something to pass the time away, while I was waiting for your MIA ass! Answer my question, Nikita. Where the fuck were you?"

"I was out shopping, Ryan. Just hanging out with Alex. What's the matter with you?" Nikita asked incredulous.

Ryan laughed a bitter laugh. He stood up, picked up a vase and threw it. If Nikita hadn't ducked, it would've hit her right in the face.

"Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go out and you call me, when you're sober." Nikita turned around to leave and in two seconds, Ryan had her by the arm and slammed her against the wall.

"I don't fucking think so! We're not done yet!" Ryan screamed at her.

"Ryan, let go of me!" Nikita shouted, fear working it's way into her body.

"You think you can just go out and not fucking tell me where?! And for how long?!" Ryan screamed.

"I think I can!" Nikita replied boldly. "Who are you to tell me what to do?!"

Ryan laughed again. "You stupid bitch." Then, he hauled off and punched her right in the jaw.

Nikita's face was turned side-ways, as she felt the aching pain of his fist that had made contact with her jaw.

"Look at me!" Ryan yelled.

Michael was starting to really worry about her. She wasn't crying anymore, but he wasn't sure that that was such a good thing. She was looking at him, but it was like she was looking right through him. Like she was looking at someone else.

"Nikita, you need to come back now, okay?" Michael told her gently. "Nikita, you gotta come back, alright? Look in my eyes, Sweetheart. Look at me."

Suddenly, Nikita became frightened and she started backing away from him, but her eyes didn't leave his face. "Okay, okay, okay!" She cried. "I'll look at you! I'm looking at you!" She started breathing heavily. "Please, don't hit me again! Please!"

Michael's eyes went wide. He was horrified. "Nikita, I would never-" He was cut off by the next words that she cried out. He'd never forget them for as long as he lived.

"Ryan, please stop hurting me!"

Michael looked at Nikita, he looked at her eyes. She looked completely terrified. "Damn you, Ryan." He muttered. "Damn you for terrorizing her this way."

Michael got up from his chair, and got on the floor to where Nikita was in the far corner. She wasn't sobbing, but she was silently crying. He reached out for her hand, and Nikita turned on him, yanking her hand away from him, trying to move even further away from him. Her back was completely against the wall, and her knees were drawn up to her chest.

"Don't touch me!" Nikita screamed. "Don't!"

"Okay, okay." He relented. He held up both of his hands as a sign of surrender. He'd do anything she wanted him to do. He just wanted her to stop screaming. He wanted her to realize she was safe with him and that he wasn't his brother, and he'd never hurt her like that. "I promise that I won't touch you, unless you want me to, okay?"

"I'll never want you to touch me, you heart-less bastard!" Nikita yelled.

Her words stung Michael. He felt hurt from them, but he realized that she wasn't quite here with him. She was trapped in the past. She thought he was Ryan. "I won't touch you," He repeated. "but I need you to do something for me in return, okay?"

Nikita looked at him, and once again she froze...

"Ryan, stop!" Nikita screamed. She was covering her face, which was rapidly bruising.

Ryan ignored her and grabbed her and forced his lips on hers, kissing her roughly, violently.

Nikita summoned up enough strength to push him away from her. "Do not touch me!" She yelled.

Ryan put his hands up in the air. "Fine!" He yelled annoyed. "You don't want me to touch you? Fine!"

Nikita leaned back, a little relieved.

"But you've gotta do something for me in return!" Ryan stood up, and unzipped his pants. He pulled his boxers down. He revealed his hard dick. "Suck it."

Nikita's eyes flew wide, as she scrambled to get up off the floor.

Michael was even more confused then ever now. He hadn't done anything. He hadn't raised his voice, he hadn't even touched her. He couldn't figure out what the hell had set off whatever dark memories were overtaking her now.

"Nikita," He got up to stop her from leaving. He couldn't let her leave. Not like this. "I need you to-"

"No!" Nikita screamed. She began throwing punches at him. He was dodging her as she attempted to punch him in the face. " You will never force me to do that again!"

Michael's eyes went wide again. She was reliving the rape and the worst part, she still thought he was his brother. How could he help her now?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Force you to do what, Nikita?" Michael found himself asking. He was shaking himself. He already knew what his brother had done to her but he still needed to hear it from her.

"You know!" Nikita sobbed.

"No, Nikita. I don't know." Michael shook his head. "That's why I'm asking you. I need you to tell me."

Nikita blinked a couple times, and then looked at Michael. Really looked at him. What the hell was going on? Where was she? Where was that apartment she had been at? Where was that disgusting room that reeked of liquor that she'd been trapped in with Ryan? Where was Ryan?

Nikita sighed, as everything came rushing back to her. Ryan was dead, that's where he was. She was in the interrogation room with Michael. Michael...

"Oh my God," Nikita breathed. "Michael?"

Michael sighed with relief. Nikita was back again. She was back with him.

"Yeah, it's me." Michael said gently.

Nikita moved to get up, but kept falling. She tried this a couple times, but Michael caught what would've been her third fall.

"Let go of me, Michael." Nikita said firmly. "I have to get out of here."

"I'm sorry, Nikita. I can't let you go." Michael told her. And it was the truth, he couldn't. He couldn't let her go for so many reasons.

"Please, Michael," Nikita begged shakily. "don't make me go back there."

Michael gently took her in his arms, she fell against him and closed her eyes.

"I know my brother terrorized you and did only God knows what else, Nikita. I don't blame you for not wanting to relive any of that. I'm sorry that I'm even asking you to. I need to know what happened to my brother." Michael gently stroked Nikita's hair. "I need to know what happened to you."

"Why does it even matter what happened to me?" Nikita asked softly.

"Because, Nikita...you matter to me." Michael admitted.

"Why?" Nikita asked again. "Haven't you been listening to me, Michael?" She asked in a voice full of weakness. "I don't matter here. I never did!"

Michael pulled back from her to look into her eyes. "And I'm sorry for that, Nikita. I'm sorry that Ryan treated you like you didn't matter. I can't even imagine how that had to have to made you feel." He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know I've only known you for a few days, but in those few days you've managed to do something that no other person has ever been able to before."

"Mess up your drink?" Nikita guessed.

Michael laughed softly. "Well, the vodka and whiskey was a first, but no. That particular thing is not what I'm talking about here." He gently took her face in his hands. "You got into my heart."

"Michael..." Nikita sighed. "Don't do this."

"Nikita, I know you-"

"Don't do this!" Nikita shouted, cutting his words off. "Please!"

Michael stared at her silently for a moment.

Tears formed in Nikita's eyes, she reached out to touch his face. "Don't give me this beautiful hope, only to have it taken away when you find out everything that I did." She pleaded. "Please, don't do that to me."

"You know, you keep going on and on about what you did. About some awful thing that you did." Michael shook his head in disbelief. "What about Ryan, Nikita? What about what he did? What about what he did to you?!" He still wasn't entirely sure that he believed what Sean had told him about his brother but if Nikita wound up confirming that it had indeed happened there was no way he would ever be able to think of him as his brother ever again.

"Doesn't matter what he did to me, Michael." Nikita cried. "Doesn't make what I did right! Two wrongs don't make a right!"

Michael kissed her forehead gently. "God," He breathed. "you're such a beautiful girl. You're a beautiful person. I hate that my brother, that anyone could just tear you down like this."

Nikita smiled sadly. "I did this to myself, Michael."

Michael shook his head. "Nikita, come on-"

"I did this to myself." Nikita repeated firmly. "I made alot of mistakes with Ryan. The first one is not leaving when I should've."

Michael gently cupped her face in his hands. "That doesn't matter. It's not an excuse for Ryan to do whatever the hell he wants to you."

"I know that." Nikita said.

"Do you?!" Michael asked her incredulously. "Do you? Cause I don't think you do. I think that you blame yourself for his actions, and you shouldn't. Ryan had alot of problems. I can guarantee that while you weren't the source of all his problems. you were the tip of the iceberg for him."

Nikita just nodded.

"Nikita, I care about you alot." Michael stated.

"Michael, please don-"

"No," Michael interrupted her. "listen to me. I care about you alot. What I feel for you is something that I've never felt before. Something that I cannot explain. I know it's real though. I also know that whatever this is...you feel it too. Don't you?"

Nikita shoved Michael away from her with all of her might.

He stumbled back a few steps from her force.

"God!" Nikita screamed. "For a police officer, you're an awful listener! I've told you five times, and I"ll tell you again...what I feel does not matter! Try and get this, Michael...try and really get it here! My feelings don't matter. They're not apart of this investigation and sadly they're not apart of my life or anyone else's for that matter."

"Well, they are now!" Michael yelled, getting very frustrated. "Your feelings matter to me! So, deal with it!"

Nikita just shook her head back and forth.

"And deal with something else too..." Michael said. "I love you!"

Nikita put her hand over her mouth. "Michael," She cried. "you don't mean that. Just take it back right now, okay?"

"No!" Michael shouted. "I will not take it back! I mean it. I love you. I know it sounds crazy, I know it is crazy! We've never even been on a date and the only thing I know about you is that so far you've been through hell. Then again, so have I. I know that this feeling is real. I feel it deep inside of myself. You can deny it with your defense mechanism of your feelings don't matter all you want, but I know you feel it too. I know you do. Or at the very least, you want to but you're scared." Michael took her hand in his. "You don't have to be scared of me, Nikita. I'm not him. I never will be."

"Michael," Nikita tried to find a way to explain this to him. "I care about you too. Okay? I do care about you. I do have feelings for you. I wish I'd met you first, but it didn't happen like that. I met your brother first , and he ruined my life. He ruined anything good that I could possibly give back to you. I'm not in love with you, Michael. This may hurt you, but it's better you get this now, before you get involved any deeper with me here. I'm never going to be in love with you. I'm never gonna love anyone. Because I will never allow anyone to hurt me like Ryan did." She finished. "I'm sorry."

Michael just nodded his head in understanding. He didn't believe her though. Not for a second. He'd prove her wrong. He'd make her see that she was wrong. He would help her put her life back together and then one day, she'd be able to walk out of all this darkness in her life and see him. Then, she'd be able to accept the love that he was offering her. The love he offered without condition. So, for now he would keep loving her, even if she wouldn't let herself love him back right now.

"I understand, Nikita." Michael said softly.

"Thank you." Nikita said. "And I'm sorry."

"Just know I won't give up on you and one day I'll prove you wrong." He told her.

Nikita leaned back against the wall, and slid back down onto the floor. Michael got on the floor with her, and put his arms around her.

"You can tell me everything, Nikita and I swear I won't leave you." Michael kissed her forehead. "I can help you, but you have to let me."

Nikita breathed deeply. "You wanna know about that episode I had before, right?"

"Only if you wanna tell me." Michael told her.

Nikita breathed deeply. "When I was crying, I kept thinking about Ryan. I kept thinking about all the things he did to me and what became of him. When you grabbed me and shouted for me to look at you..."

"I sent you back there, right?" Michael realized sadly. "I didn't mean to scare you. I swear, I didn't. I was just trying to get you back here with me. I didn't want you to be scared anymore, but I only made it worse."

"It's not your fault, Michael." Nikita told him. "Ryan's abuse is something that I've never been able to get past. It's probably because I've never talked about it. I thought if I buried it, it would all go away. It never did though. It'd always come back to haunt me in my dreams at night."

Michael knew that his was his chance to ask Nikita what exactly Ryan had done to her. "Nikita, how bad was his abuse? Was it mental or-?"

"It was every way a person could be abused, Michael." Nikita closed her eyes and then re-opened them. "I was remembering when I got home one night. I'd been out shopping with my best friend all day and I guess I forgot to call him. I got home and I found him sitting in the dark. He was so angry. He was also drunk. And...I'm not sure how well you knew Ryan...he never told me about you, but if you really knew him, you'd know that when he was drunk, he could get really violent."

"After our sister died, he left." Michael admitted. "I've never seen him drink though, not once."

"He drank all the time when we were together." Nikita said. "In fact, his drinking was part of the reason why I left him. That's jumping ahead here, so...anyway, I asked him why he was sitting in the dark. He said he'd been waiting for me for hours. He asked me where the fuck I'd been. That right there was a dead give-away that he'd been drinking, because he never talked to me like that unless he was. I asked him if he'd been drinking. He responded that he had to do something to pass the time away while waiting for my MIA ass. He demanded that I answer his question. I calmly told him that I was out shopping with Alex. I asked him what was wrong. Ryan just laughed at me. It was so full of bitterness. He stood up, grabbed a vase and threw it at me."

He felt anger erupt in his chest. "Oh my God," Michael shook his head. "Nikita..."

"I ducked and it missed my head and shattered against the wall. That's when I realized that I shouldn't be there. That I should leave. I calmly told him that I was gonna leave and to call when he sobered up. Before I even made it to the door, he grabbed my arm and slammed me against the wall. He told me that we weren't done yet and I wasn't going anywhere. I yelled at him. I demanded he let go of me. That only seemed to infuriate him though. He started screaming at me. He started screaming, who was I to just leave not tell him where I was going. I smarted off to him, which was not a good thing for me to do. He was already angry and drunk. I should've tried to calm him down, but I was angry also. I always hated when he'd grab me and try to tell me what to do. I told him I could do whatever I wanted and who the hell was he to tell me what to do? He laughed at me and he punched me in the jaw." Nikita closed her eyes, remembering how powerful his punch had been and how much it had hurt.

"Nikita," Michael gasped. "why didn't you just go to the police after that? You could've gotten his ass thrown in jail. Why would you stay?"

"At the risk of sounding like a pathetic domestic victim...He said he loved me and that he was sorry. And that he'd get help..."

"Nikita!" Michael groaned. "Did you really believe that he could change?"

"No, not really." Nikita admitted. "I held onto hope though. That hope let me down every time though. But it was all I had."

Michael breathed deeply. "There was something else, Nikita."

"What?" Nikita asked.

"Before, when you got hysterical and freaked out on me...you...I..." Michael sighed, running his hand over his face a few times. There was a tiny part of him that didn't want to know if Ryan had indeed forced himself upon Nikita, but there was also a huge part of him that needed to know, so that he could help her.

"Michael?" Nikita questioned.

"You were backed into this corner, you had your knees drawn up against your chest and you were crying. I reached out to try and comfort you and you started yelling at me. You were yelling at me not to touch you. I backed off, and I promised that I wouldn't touch you if you didn't want me to. And you,"

"I called you a heartless bastard and told you I'd never want you to touch me." Nikita recalled softly. "Michael, I'm sorry. I thought I was still back there. Back with Ryan. I thought you were Ryan. You didn't deserve any of that and I'm so sorry-"

"No," Michael shook his head. "don't apologize to me. It's not your fault. None of it is. I don't want an apology, Nikita. I just want to understand."

"I don't know that you can." Nikita said uncertainly.

"After...you went off on me. I told you I wouldn't touch you, but that I wanted you to do something for me. You started flipping out again. Worse than before. You stood up and I thought you were gonna leave, so I tried to stop to you, and you turned on me. You started screaming at me. You were screaming that I'd never force you to do that again." Michael was looking straight into Nikita's tear-filled eyes at this point. "I want you to tell me what you were talking about."

"No, Michael." Nikita shook her head violently. "Please, God please, ask me anything but that."

"Nikita, I love you." Michael said. "You know that."

"Michael," Nikita's eyes watered even more. She wanted to tell him that she loved him too, but she was scared and she knew that she wasn't ready to go that route. She wasn't sure that she ever would be.

"I do, Nikita. I wanna help you. I wanna know everything, so that I can help you get through it. I wanna be there for you. Even if it's just as your friend." Michael told her.

Nikita closed her eyes, taking everything that Michael had said to her in. "Ryan..." Her voice was soft, barely audible as she talked.

Michael leaned in closer to Nikita, and tightened his hold around her shoulders. "It's alright, sweetheart. You can tell me."

"After, Ryan punched me, he kept on hit...hitting me a few times. He grabbed me and started kissing me. I pushed him away from me and I told him not to touch me. He looked at me, angry and annoyed. He was like ,'fine'! I won't touch you, but you have to do something in return for me. He..." Nikita closed her eyes, not wanting to look at Michael, while she told him the most humiliating thing Ryan had ever done to her. "He unzipped his pants, and let them fall to the floor. He told me to...to..."

Michael looked disgusted and horrified. "Oh God."

"I didn't want to. I refused to, and he pulled out his gun and he held it to my head." Nikita recalled. "So, I gave in. I was scared and I was afraid..."

"I know, you were." Michael said soothingly. "Baby, I know."

"He held my head down and..." Nikita shook her head. "I almost choked a couple of times, but he didn't care. He didn't care that he was hurting me, Michael. Looking back, I'm not sure that ever did care."

"Nikita," Michael gently kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what Ryan put you through. I can't even imagine how that must've made you feel." He was fighting back the rage he felt for what had happened to her. Ryan was dead and he was no longer his brother. If he'd still been alive...he knew he probably would've killed him himself.

"I wish I could say, that that was the worst that it got, but it wasn't Michael. That was only the beginning." Nikita admitted.

Fresh tears were streaming down Nikita's face.

"Nikita," Michael hesitated, before asking his next question, but now more than he ever he needed to know the truth. "did Ryan rape you? Did he force you to have sex with him?"

Nikita looked up at him, then back down a few times before answering.

"Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"He raped you." Michael repeated softly.

Nikita nodded, fresh tears rolling down her face.

Michael gently stroked her cheek, then pulled it away. He turned around, and laid the front of his face into the wall.

How could he be hearing any of this? He used to consider his brother to be his best friend. How could he have changed so much? How could he have hurt a woman that Michael already cared for so much? How could he have hurt any woman that way?

This shouldn't have been a shock to him. He'd already been told this, he knew Sean wouldn't lie…but just hearing the words from Nikita herself…it made it all real.

Nikita stared at Michael's back, and could see his shoulders shaking slightly. She realized he was crying. She slowly walked over to him, and took his hand in hers. He immediately squeezed her hand back.

"I'm sorry." Michael said softly, the emotion could be heard in his voice. "I'm so sorry, Nikita." He took his hand that was free, and roughly wiped the tears from his face, and he turned to face her, his hand never leaving hers. "I'm so damn sorry, sweetheart."

"It wasn't your fault, Michael. I'm sorry." Nikita whispered, hating that he was so upset. She knew he was upset for her, but she didn't want that. It wasn't his fault, and she was afraid that he blamed himself.

"Don't." Michael replied, as he turned around and faced her. "Please, don't apologize to me for any of this. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I can assure you of that. My brother is the one who did something wrong, and I am so ashamed to even call him that right now, even in his death." He ran a hand over his face, as he brushed his stray tears away. "I am so sorry, Nikita." He got choked up again, as he cut himself off.

"For what, Michael?" Nikita asked softly, not understanding what this wonderful man could possibly be apologizing to her for.

"For what you had to endure. For all of it." Michael replied. "That must've been a nightmare."

"It was." Nikita admitted. "The beginning of a very long nightmare that has never completely gone away for me."

"I should've done more. I should've gone after him," Michael whispered.

"And what would you have done?" Nikita asked him.

"If I'd known he was hurting you, or anybody like that...I would've kicked his ass, and then made him get some damn help." Michael leaned back against the wall.

"I used to tell myself that too." Nikita said softly.

Michael lifted his head to look at her, startled by her voice.

"I used to tell myself that if I'd realized before he got so...violent with me, that maybe I could've saved him. Maybe I could've convinced him to go into therapy." Nikita admitted. "The truth is, Michael...I was just as screwed up as he was."

"Why? Because you wanted to believe he could love you? Because you wanted to believe that love could be enough?" Michael shook his head. "That's not being screwed up, Nikita that's being human."

"I came from a..." She stopped. "What am I doing? This isn't about me. This is about him. What else, do you want me to tell you?"

Michael let go of her hand, and walked over to the table, he took the tape-recorder and turned it off.

"What are you doing, Michael?" Nikita asked him confused.

"You were wrong before." Michael said. "You said that your feelings don't matter, and maybe they don't to the investigation...they do to me. I want you to tell me everything. This isn't just about him, this is about you too."

"I...uh...I..." Nikita walked over to the table and sat down in the chair. "What I was going to say before was that, I came from an abusive home, Michael."

Michael sat down in a chair beside her, and took her hand in his gently, letting her know that he was there for her.

"Although it was nothing near to the hell that your brother put me through, it was still abusive. It was verbally abusive. I told you that my parents said I was their greatest disappointment, and while they said that to me on more than one occasion, it wasn't the worst thing they ever said to me. Nothing I did was right for them. And when you go through your whole life, with people telling you...people that are supposed to love you unconditionally telling you that you're ugly, you're stupid, and I don't love you, never have, never will. Well, it sends you on a desperate search." Nikita explained. "It leads you on a search to find somebody who doesn't think those things about you. It's what lead me to Ryan, and it's what made me stay with him for so long."

"Because you wanted to believe that you could make somebody love you." Michael realized sadly.

Michael could've believe she'd had such cruel, selfish parents. He couldn't believe how awful of a life she'd really had.

"I wanted to believe that I could change Ryan. In the beginning, I believed that he loved me, and maybe he did, Michael. Maybe he really did love me at one time, I don't know. All I do know is that when he started drinking, and getting into drugs...all of that stopped. The way that he used to be with me, it stopped. The love that he used to show me was replaced with violence." Nikita said. "I thought that if I could just hang in there, and keep being patient and just keep telling him how much I loved him, then he'd come back. Then everything would be okay, and we'd get married and be happy."

"He never did come back though did he?" Michael asked softly.

Nikita shook her head. "No, he never did."

"What happened after that, Nikita?" Michael asked her. "After he forced you to..." It hurt him to even repeat the words, to even repeat what had been done to her. "to perform oral sex on him...what happened after that?" And when he realized Nikita was ready to talk more about it, he turned the recorder back on.

"He mentioned something about needing beer, and he left." Nikita replied. "After he left, I went upstairs, and I packed a bag. I put a few things in it. Just necessary things, ya know?"

Michael nodded. "You were going to leave him?"

"Yeah" Nikita nodded, tears in her eyes. "That was just like a wake up call. After he did it, I was crying, and crying, and none of it even phased him. He got up, and said he needed beer!" Nikita yelled, with a bitter laugh. "Beer!"

Michael just shook his head, he couldn't believe what kind of man he was hearing about. It made him sick.

"I called Alex, and I told her I needed some time away. So, she said that I could stay with her." Nikita explained. "I left. I got out of there before he came back."

"Did he ever call you again after that, Nikita?" Michael asked, as he took a seat at the table in the interrogation room, and she took the seat across from him like before. "Was that the last of it?"

"No," Nikita almost laughed at that, not out of amusement, but just out of bitterness. "he was furious. Ryan…well, at least the Ryan that I knew...the one he became...he wasn't one for calling. He just kinda barged in. He was angry. He just kept pounding on the door, yelling...yelling all sorts of obscenities. When the anger clearly wasn't working, he took up another tactic. He started crying. He was crying, saying he was sorry, and that he loved me. He cried that if I would just give him one more chance, things would be so different."

"Did you give him another chance, Nikita?" Michael was hoping for her sake, the answer would be no, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't be.

"Against my better judgment, yes." Nikita replied. "Hell, against Alex, and Sean's wishes, I gave him another chance. Everyone told me not to. I told me not to. He sounded so sincere, and in those few minutes, it was like the man I fell in love with was back. I needed for that to be true so much."

"Even with what he had done to you?" Michael couldn't understand this logic at all. Ryan was already dead, and he wanted to kill him for what he'd done to her. He just couldn't understand how she give him another chance after that. Why she'd even want to. "Sweetheart, he hurt you, and he didn't even care. I don't understand why you'd even want to try again with him."

"Ryan was the only person who'd ever told me that he loved me. Deep down, I was afraid that he was the best that I could do." Nikita admitted. "I know that won't make any sense to you, but you didn't have my life, Michael. You don't know what my life was like, what any of it was like."

"No, I suppose I don't." Michael conceded. "So, you gave him another chance. Then, what? Did he benefit from this second chance, Nikita? Did he prove to you that he was worth it?"

"No," Nikita shook her head. "just the opposite."

"He hurt you again? He hit you, rape you? What?" Michael was growing tired. He wasn't upset with her by any means, he was just tired of hearing of this person that his brother had become. It was taking it's toll on him.

"He hit me a lot of times." Nikita replied. "He...I guess he raped me a few times."

Michael's head snapped up. "You guess?"

"It would get confusing. He'd make me feel obligated...and I'd feel like I had to. And sometimes, he'd get so mean if I said no, that I'd get scared, and just...let him. And,"

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you, Nikita." Michael interrupted her. "The obligated part...that's called manipulation. If you didn't want to, than it's emotional rape if nothing else, and it's still wrong. And if when he got mean, if you mean violent towards you, where you were scared that he would hurt you, than that is rape, Nikita. All of it is. All of it is wrong. Did you say no during any of it when you didn't want to?"

"Yeah, but that'd just make him even more angry, and it was already getting harder and harder to explain away the bruises when Alex would ask." Nikita replied.

"How long did this second chance last?" Michael asked. "Did you leave again? Did...something else happen?"

"I left." Nikita replied. "When I left, it was for good. Sean and Alex kind of did an intervention with me. They got me alone, and they made me see that all of this was wrong. I told them, that I had to go back, and end it officially. The last time, I ran Michael. I ran, and he found me, and I believed his lies and went back with him. I couldn't let that happen this time. I had to do it myself. I had to be firm with it."

"Okay, so when you went back to call it quits with Ryan...did you go alone?" Michael asked her.

"Yes." Nikita replied.

"Were you afraid? Did you realize that going back by yourself could've possibly gotten you killed?" Michael asked her.

"I realized that too." Nikita said. "I also realized that if I was ever going to get anything of my life back before Ryan, than I had to do it myself. I thought maybe I'd respect myself more, maybe he'd even respect me or something. It didn't go that way at all though. I told him I was done, that I was never going to be with him again, never gonna go back to him. I explained to him how he made me feel, and how I honestly didn't love him anymore. I told him that he had killed all the love that I had ever had for him. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me, but than stopped. I told him that if he would've shown that much restraint during the other parts of our relationship, and hadn't done the things to me that he'd done that maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation. He just shook his head, and he looked at me. For the first time I didn't see any illusions, Michael. I didn't see any of what I wanted to see. I saw Ryan. The real Ryan...maybe I was seeing the Ryan that there was all along, I don't know. But I saw him so clearly. He looked at me, and he said 'you will regret this. No one will ever love you, but me'."

"You left, just like that?" Michael asked. "He didn't try to stop you in any way?"

"No." Nikita replied. "I could tell that he was angry though. I didn't say another word, I just grabbed my suitcase, and I left. I left him. I went to Alex's."

"You never went back to him after that?" Michael asked.

"No, never. I was serious, when I told him that I was never going to be with him again. I meant that, and I never went back on it." Nikita declared.

"Okay..." Michael was still sort of confused. His brother was dead. He still needed answers about that, and he still believed that Nikita knew them. "Look, Nikita...if I'm gonna help you, than you are gonna have to be straight with me."

"I have been, Michael." Nikita replied, surprised and hurt that he might've thought she was making any of this up. "Everything I've told you is the god's honest truth. I haven't lied."

"I believe you, Nikita. I also believe that there is something that you are not telling me." Michael said. "I need you to tell me what it is. For your own good."

"You believe that I know who killed your brother, right?" Nikita asked. This was going to be the hardest part of all. Explaining that awful night to Michael.

"I do, Nikita." Michael affirmed.

"You're right." Nikita said. "I do know who killed your brother."

"Who did it, Nikita?" Michael asked her gently. "Just give me a name, and we'll work all of this out. I promise you."

Nikita nodded her head, not planning on holding him to that promise since she knew it was gonna be nol and void, after she told him everything else. "It was me, Michael."

Michael lifted his head, and looked at her in complete shock. "What?"

"I did it, Michael. I killed your brother. It was me."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I wanna thank all of my amazing reviewers! You guys are so awesome! And my followers as well :) I am not ignoring any of your requests for Salex, I promise. They are coming and will definitely be in the next chapter. This chapter does have a little Alex in it, but it's mostly centered around Mikita/Ryan. Hope you guys like this next chapter :)

Chapter 7

To say that Michael was stunned would be an understatement. This just couldn't be...he never thought for a moment that this girl could be the killer. Not after he got to know her, saw the hidden pain behind her eyes.

"No," Michael shook his head. "this is wrong, Nikita. You can't...no. I don't accept that. Tell me the truth."

"I _am_ telling you the truth," Nikita's voice broke, as she saw the desperation in Michael's eyes. His desperation to not think the absolute worst of her, even when it was the truth. "I did it. I killed him. I'm so sor-"

"No!" Michael shouted, slamming his fist onto the table, causing her to flinch. "I don't believe that, Nikita!" At Nikita's frightened eyes, he took a deep breath and calmed himself. He added in a softer, gentler voice. "That's not who you are."

"It's who I became, Michael." Nikita cried out, her shoulders slightly shaking. "He took so much from me, I couldn't let him take my life too. I didn't wanna be that girl. I couldn't become that girl who was killed by her abusive ex, but instead I became someone so much worse than that. I became someone who murdered her abusive ex."

Michael's eyes became filled with recognition, as he realized that she was telling him the truth. He saw the anguish in her eyes, and the regret. He had swore that he would bury whoever took his brother from him, but everything had become so complicated.

After Nikita had told him the awful story of what Ryan had done...it had made him wish that he had taken his brother's life. He didn't know what he felt for him anymore.

"Tell me what happened, Nikita." Michael finally spoke after a few minutes, his voice rough with unshed tears. "All of it. Please."

"I left Ryan, but he couldn't accept that, Michael." Nikita roughly wiped away her tears, determined not to cry anymore. She did it. She took away his brother, and she could damn well accept the consequences and take what she knew she would have coming after all of this was out in the open.

"I just wanted to start over, ya know? I wanted to start my life over, start it all over before I met him. He went crazy when I refused to go back to him. He tried to hurt my friend, Alex..."

_"Where the fuck is she?!" Ryan screamed, as he had Alex up against the wall in a death grip._

_As scared as Alex was of this man, she'd never give him the satisfaction. "Somewhere far away from you. About fucking time, if you ask me."_

_"You don't even wanna mess with me, little girl," Ryan warned. "you need to give me back what's mine."_

_"I'm not yours anymore, Ryan!" Nikita yelled from behind him. _

_At Nikita's voice, Ryan let go of Alex, and turned toward her. "C'mon, baby. We belong together. You know it. You know __**it**__."_

_"No," Nikita's voice was strong and firm. "what I __**know**__, is that if I go back with you, one of us will die. Don't you understand, Ryan?! You killed it! You killed all the love that I had for yo-"_

_"Stop saying that!" Ryan screamed enraged. "You love me, Nikita. I love you. We have to be together!"_

_"No, we don't." Nikita retorted. "It's over, Ryan! We're over! Stay away from me, and you stay the hell away from Alex!"_

_Nikita grabbed her friend's hand, and they walked away._

"He attacked your friend, cause you wouldn't go back to him?" Michael asked. This just got worse and worse.

"Yeah." Nikita replied. "I wasn't gonna make that mistake again, I couldn't, Michael. I had finally accepted it. I couldn't save your brother. I didn't even want to anymore. I just wanted out."

Even though she hadn't finished, Michael was pretty sure he knew where this was going. It made it all the more easier for him not to blame her in anyway for this. "It was self-defense, wasn't it?"

"What?"

"You...you killing my brother. It was self-defense, right?"

"I don't know, Michael." Nikita replied, her voice tortured. "Would you call self-defense and revenge the same thing?"

Michael didn't know what to say to that. "I think that maybe you should tell me what happened the night my brother died, and than we can talk about that." He said carefully.

"I was walking back to the dorms from the university one night," Nikita began. "I had my head-phones on, so I didn't hear anything behind me. I felt someone grab me, and something being put against my mouth. Everything went dark, and when I woke up, I was in a dark basement." She blinked back the tears, as the memory from that awful night came rushing back to her.

_**Was a long and dark December**_  
_**From the rooftops I remember**_  
_**There was snow**_  
_**White snow**_

_Nikita groggily opened her eyes, as she took in her surroundings._

_Where was she? _

_It was so dark..._

_**Clearly I remember**_  
_**From the windows they were watching**_  
_**While we froze **_  
_**Down below**_

_"Hello, Nikita."_

_Nikita focused all her energy, as she forced her eyes open, and they widened in horror once the figure became clear._

_"Ryan." Nikita whispered._

_"Glad to see you still remember my name." Ryan replied, as he walked towards her. "I thought maybe you'd forgotten along with alot of other things."_

_**When the future's architectured**_  
_**By a carnival of idiots on show**_  
_**You'd better lie low**_

_"O...other t...hings?" Nikita stuttered, as her speak broke. She was still pretty drugged up, and it was still hard for her to talk._

_"Yeah, Nikita. __**Other**__ things." Ryan repeated. "Like the thing where you promised we'd be together forever." His eyes bore down into hers hatefully. "You do remember making that promise to me. Don't you, baby?"_

_"That was a long time ago, Ryan." Nikita responded tightly. "I made that promise before I found out what kind of a man you really are."_

_Ryan looked at her sharply. "What kind is that, Nikita?"_

_**If you love me**_  
_**Won't you let me know?**_

_"The kind that hurts a woman he claims to love so much." Nikita struggled with her restraints as she realized she was tied to the chair she was sitting in. "You abused me and abused me, Ryan. I told you twice, and I guess I gotta tell you a third time..." _

_Ryan looked at her with anger, but he wasn't lashing out like he normally did. He stood there and he listened, he was looking at her, his eyes warning her of what would happen if she said something he didn't like._

_Nikita glared at him, and this time she did not listen. She was so tired of being afraid of what to say to him._

_**Was a long and dark December**_  
_**When the banks became cathedrals**_  
_**And the fog**_  
_**Became God**_

_"You destroyed all the love that I once held inside for you, Ryan." _

_Ryan clenched his jaw, his eyes blazing. "I told you, Nikita...Stop saying that!"_

_Nikita shook her head, still drowsy, but coherent enough to let the truth be known. "No, I will not! You killed it, Ryan! You killed IT!"_

_Ryan raised his fist and struck her, his eyes cold and furious._

_Nikita slowly turned her head to look at him, her jaw hurt from the impact of his punch, but she needed to say this. "Now," She gave him a smile. On the outside, it looked like a real smile, but on the inside it was full of bitterness. "there's the Ryan that I know and despise." She gave him a hard glare. "And once fooled myself into thinking that I loved."_

**_Priests clutched onto bibles_**  
**_Hollowed out to fit their rifles_**  
**_And the cross was held aloft_**

_"You've become a real bitch, Nikita." Ryan said, his eyes cold._

_"Yeah, well you've become a real abusive ass, Ryan." Nikita retorted. "I don't know what the hell ever made me stay with you so lon-"_

_"SHUT UP!" Ryan screamed, his anger taking over him. "Just shut up!"_

_**Bury me in honor**_  
_**When I'm dead and hit the ground**_  
_**A love back home unfolds**_

_"No," Nikita shook her head. "you need to get this. No matter what you do, what you threaten or how long you decided to keep me here..." Nikita's eyes stared at him sharply, not a hint of fear as there was in the past. "I will __**never**__ go back with you."_

_Ryan's eyes were ablaze. "You just better-"_

_"Never, Ryan." Nikita repeated, her words hard and firm. "Ever."_

_"You loved me once, I'll __**make**__ you love me again." Ryan replied._

_Nikita just laughed. "That's your problem right there, Ryan. Everything's always done with force for you. You can't force someone into feeling something that they don't." She took a deep breath. "You cannot force me to love you." Nikita shook her head. "You can't."_

_**If you love me**_  
_**Won't you let me know?**_

_Ryan just glared at her. "Like hell, I can't."_

"So, my brother held you down in his basement with the intent of forcing you to rekindle what you once felt for him?" Michael asked, gathering all of this newfound information together.

Nikita nodded. "Nothing that I said was getting through though. I was standing up for myself for like the first time ever, and none of it was even registering with him. He never listened to me, Michael. Not when I was weak or when I was strong."

"Okay...so...Nikita, I'm still not getting how his death is your fault." Michael replied confused. "Did he die during this?"

"A little in-between." Nikita replied. "After I told him he couldn't force me to love him, he got mad again , only this time he grabbed a syringe and very painfully injected my neck with it."

"God," Michaela whispered. "you could've been the one getting killed with all those drugs..."

"They were very numbing. They made me forget about what an awful situation I was really in." Nikita said. "A few hours later, I came to, and he still wasn't back. So, I took that opportunity to start trying to make an escape."

"He had you tied up, right?"

"Right." Nikita replied. "I was pulling, and pulling against the ropes. With all the pulling, and moving around in the chair...it tipped over, and I was able to start untying myself."

"Were you able to get out of the basement before he came back?" Michael asked her, he was writing all of this down, and needed step-by-step details.

"Yes." Nikita replied. "But before I did that, I noticed that there was a gun laying on the table a few feet away from me. I guess, Ryan didn't count on my being able to get free from the restraints. He figured the drugs would be enough to keep me dull. Michael, I swear to you I did not grab that gun because I was planning on finding and killing your brother for kidnapping me. That is not why I grabbed it."

Michael nodded, he believed her. She'd been honest about everything up until now, he could tell. He saw no reason to start distrusting her now. "Did you grab it to use in-case he caught up with you, and tried to do something?"

"Yes," Nikita nodded. "that is exactly why I grabbed it."

"Okay," Michael said. "what happened after you grabbed the gun and got out of the basement?"

"On the way to the front door, he came from behind me, but I felt him before he grabbed me." Nikita ran a hand across her face. "I turned around quickly, and I hit him with the gun. I hit him hard, as hard as I could. He fell to the ground, and I ran out of the house."

"Were you able to grab your cell phone to call 911, during any of this?" Michael asked her.

"My cell phone was in my purse, and my purse was down in the basement where he had been holding me." Nikita replied. "I was in such a rush to get out of there, to get away from him that honestly that cell phone was the last thing on my mind."

Michael nodded, he understood that. He just needed all the facts for documentation.

"Anyway..." Nikita continued. "I guess I didn't hit him as hard as I thought I did, because a few minutes after I had began running into the woods...the woods was where his yard led to. He had taken me to his cabin, and it's all the way out in the middle of no-where. He was chasing me. He was yelling my name, and I didn't stop. I didn't dare stop, I kept running and running. He eventually caught up to me though, and he knocked the gun out of my hand, and he slammed me to the ground..."

_"You think you can win?" Ryan breathed, he was on top of her...pining her hands over her head as he straddled her. "Huh?! You can't beat me! You're NOTHING, Nikita! Do you hear me? NOTHING!"_

_Nikita was struggling against him, but he was so much stronger than her. "You can't win either Ryan!"_

_Ryan began moving roughly against her. He started assaulting her neck. "You like what I'm doing to you, don't you Nikita?" He breathed against her neck. He moved his other hand, and unzipped her pants, he roughly put his hand inside her underwear, and pushed his finger inside her. _

_"No!" Nikita cried. "Stop!"_

_"I'll never stop, Nikita." Ryan grinned. "Never. I know you want it, I know you like it. I'm gonna fuck you so hard, that you'll never be with anyone again."_

_"No!" Nikita yelled._

_With a strength Nikita didn't know she possessed, she pushed her foot up, and kicked him in the balls knocking him off of her. She turned around, grabbed the gun that had fallen and pointed it straight at Ryan._

**_I don't want to be a soldier_**  
**_Who the captain of some sinking ship_**  
**_Would stow, far below_**

_"Nikita, think about this." Ryan had an almost fearful look in his eye. "You're no killer, you won't do it."_

_"You don't know what I'll do!" Nikita yelled. "You don't own me! You sure as fuck don't control me! Not anymore!" Her hand shook, as she kept the gun trained on him. "You never will again! Never again, you hear me?!" She screamed._

_Ryan held his hands up in surrender. "I hear you, I hear you!"_

**_So if you love me_**  
**_Why'd you let me go?_**

_"No, you don't!" Nikita yelled. "You know, this is the first time in three years that you're actually listening to what I'm saying to you! Also, this wouldn't even be happening if I didn't have this gun! You're never gonna touch me again, Ryan! You're never gonna touch ALEX!" She screamed the last part...she felt so angry when she thought of how he tried to intimidate her best friend. _

_"You're never gonna touch anyone." She finished softly._

_"I'll never stop touching you, babe." Ryan's eyes changed from fearful to cocky. "You know you want it, you just won't admit it."_

_"No," Nikita's eyes were sharp as she put her finger against the trigger. "I," she pulled the trigger back. "don't!" She let go of the trigger, firing a bullet into Ryan's chest._

**_I took my love down to Violet Hill_**  
**_There we sat in snow_**  
**_All that time she was silent still_**

_Nikita was shaking as she saw his lifeless body laying on the grass. She dropped the gun to the ground, horrified by what she'd just done. She'd killed him. _

**_So, if you love me_**  
**_Won't you let me know?_**

Michael sat in stunned silence. He didn't know what to say. He had no words.

Nikita just sat there, her eyes tortured and haunted, as she finished recalling the awful story to him.

"Nikita," Michael's voice was gentle. "I know I keep saying this but I am just so sorry for everything Ryan did to you."

Nikita appreciated the gesture but she wished he'd quit apologizing for something his brother did. "You don't have any control over what your brother did to me, it wasn't your fault. I could never blame you and I don't."

Michael blinked back tears. "Well thank you for that," His voice was rough with emotion. "what..can you tell me what happened next?"

Nikita nodded. "I dragged his body to the river that was a few miles from where we were, and I threw his body into it. There were drugs on him, so I counted on the police to believe that he'd been killed on that for some sort of reason. I went to Alex after...and we got rid of the gun. It's been five years...and no one ever suspected anything, until now."

Michael was silent for a few moments.

"Michael, I am so sorr-"

"Don't." Michael cut her off sharply. "Don't you _dare_ apologize to me, Nikita."

"You're right. Apology's not enough. Nothing could be." Nikita wiped tears out of her eyes. "I wish there was a way that I could make you understand. I just couldn't..."

"I understand, Nikita." Michael interrupted her again. "I understand more than you know. You've told me everything, and this is in no way your fault."

"Yes, it is!" Nikita replied, stunned that he wasn't angry or cuffing her right now. "I killed your brother."

"You couldn't take his abuse anymore, so you ended it the only way that was available to you at the time. You didn't have a choice, Nikita." Michael replied. "Just like right now. What I'm going to do is going to be difficult, and it could cost me everything...but I have to do it, Nikita. Cause I don't have a choice."

Nikita's eyes met his in complete confusion.

_If you love me_

_Won't you let me know_

Song Credit: Coldplay ll Violet Hill


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews you guys! I know how anxious you all are to hear what Michael has to say. I went over it and over it, even when reading your comments...but honestly, from the very start of this fic I had always planned on how this chapter would go. I think its gonna be a 50/50 thing...where some of you are gonna love how this goes and some of you are...well not lol. For the Salex fans out there, they are in this chapter and will be in it more as the story goes on. Hope you all like this chapter :)

Chapter 8

_I know I would apologize_  
_If I could see in your eyes_  
_Cause when you showed me myself_  
_You know, I became someone else_

~*~Chris Martin Ft. Michael Stipe

***

"I know," Nikita responded. "I know that you don't have a choice here, Michael. I know that you have to arrest me and before you do that I just need to say one more thing." A lone tear rolled down her face. "Please."

Michael's head snapped up at the word 'arrest'. "Whoa, Nikita...you don't understand..." How after everything she had told him could she possibly think that he could arrest her? She did nothing wrong.

"Michael," Nikita's voice broke. "I am so sorry. I'm sorry for Ryan. I know that it isn't enough. I mean, how could it be? You no longer have a brother, and that's on me. I will never forgive myself for that. I know you probably never will either, but I just need you to believe me when I tell you that I am so so-"

"Nikita, stop!" Michael yelled, cutting her off. "Stop apologizing to me!"

"You're right," Nikita quickly wiped her eyes, refusing to break down in front of this man. He didn't need her tears. "apology's not enough. _Nothing_ could ever be enough, Michael. I am truly sorry for-"

Michael slammed his hand on the table. He wasn't pissed at her by any means, he was furious with what his so called brother had done to her. He hated that she felt she should ever apologize to him for protecting herself. "Stop apologizing! It's futile at this point, Nikita. It's not needed or wanted for that matter."

"Well, what do you want Michael?" Nikita asked helplessly. "What can I do? I know I can't bring him back, but I-"

"No," Michael once again interrupted her. "you can't bring him back, Nikita. To be completely honest with you, I don't think I'd even want you to bring him back. He's an animal and he's where he belongs."

Nikita looked at him shocked. She wasn't expecting him to say that. "Still, Michael...he _was_ your brother."

"No," Michael shook his head. "he may have been my brother by blood...but no family of mine could ever do what he did to you. If he were here, I would lock him up myself. That's beside the point right now. He's dead, and I don't want an apology for that either."

"Right." Nikita replied.

Michael sighed. "No, you don't understand. I'm not blaming you here, Nikita. For you to apologize to me would be to say that you were somehow at fault, and you weren't. You did absolutely nothing wrong here. You did what you had to do. I don't fault you for that, I never would. To answer your question of what you can do for me...for starters, you can forgive yourself. You can stop beating yourself up every moment of everyday, and finally...you can be happy, you can heal, and you can start to live your life before Ryan cruelly invaded it."

He met Nikita's tear-filled disbelieving eyes and gave her a gentle smile. "That's what you can do for me."

Nikita's shoulder's shook, as tears rolled down her face. "But I...I took your brother from yo-"

Michael winced as he closed his eyes tightly, and then reopened them. "No." He replied firmly. "Nikita, he took himself from me. He took himself away from me, away from our whole family after our sister died. He permanently took himself away from me when he decided to become a monster. He did this, not you. If you never believe anything that I ever say to you, believe that."

Nikita was silent for a few minutes, and looked straight into his eyes. She saw the truth in them. She saw that he really believed and meant all of this. "Ok," She replied quietly. "I'll try. You uh…you can arrest me now."

Michael took the tape out of the recorder, and in one split motion he threw it on the ground and stomped on it with his foot, crushing it into pieces. "Arrest you for what?"

"Michael!" Nikita was beyond shocked. "What did you _do_ that for?!"

"Making sure you can honor your promise to me," Michael responded with a half smile. "you can't very well live happily ever after in a jail cell now can you?"

"Michael," Nikita shook her head. It meant everything in the world to her that he was trying to help her like this, but she felt she didn't deserve it. "I have to pay for what I did."

Michael laughed softly. "Nikita, you have to pay for what you did?" He shook his head. "I think you've paid enough. How long were you with Ryan?"

"Michael…" Nikita knew where he was going with this.

"How long, Nikita?" Michael repeated.

"If you count the first year of happiness, than all together it was three." Nikita replied.

"So, you spent the other two years trying to get him out of your life, correct?" Michael asked her.

"Yes," Nikita replied. "and then another year dealing with the fact that I killed him. Are we done here, Michael? Do you get it now?"

"Yeah," Michael responded. "I totally get it, Nikita. You've paid enough. You've spent four years in jail as far as I'm concerned. I'm not about to put you in another one. It'd make me no better than Ryan."

"Wow," Nikita replied. "You must...you must really care about me to be willing to destroy police evidence like this for me. I don't even know what to say."

"I really do care, Nikita." Michael admitted. "That's not why I'm doing this though. I'm doing this because you deserve it. I'm doing this because you do not deserve to spend anymore time in jail. As far as I'm concerned you're still in jail. I hope that by my doing this you can slowly set yourself free."

Nikita reached out, and grabbed Michael's hand. "Thank you, Michael. I'll never forget what you've done for me."

Michael nodded. "You don't have to worry about Alex either. She was a victim just like you. I won't be pursuing her."

"You know...Ryan almost raped her because of me." Nikita admitted.

Michael inhaled sharply. It was still hard to hear these things about Ryan. He thought he'd known him so well.. "That wasn't your fault either," He replied. "Ryan was sick, and whatever he did was because of him, not you."

"Even so," Nikita sighed. "I'll never forgive myself for what he almost did to her. I still remember everything...from the moment we got the call..."

_"So," Nikita laughed. "What are you gonna get Alex for her birthday?"_

_"I haven't decided." Sean said with serious thought. "I really want it to be special though..."_

_"Whatever you get her, she'll love." Nikita assured him._

_A ringing cell phone interrupted their care-free conversation._

_"Ah...that's mine." Sean said, flipping the cell phone open. "Hello?"_

_Nikita watched Sean's eyes go from curious to fearful, to down-right furious._

_"Sean?" Nikita questioned._

_Sean was shaking his head with fury, his whole body was just shaking._

_"Honey?" Nikita questioned again, scared. "What is it?"_

_Sean said nothing, he flipped the phone closed and took off down the isle way, almost like he was in a race._

_"Sean!" Nikita yelled, running after him. He was scaring her._

_Nikita caught his arm, and he spun around, fury in his eyes._

_"I can't stop, Nikita! That __**psycho**__ has Alex!" Sean yelled, turning back around and heading out. _

_Nikita walked after him, no longer confused. She knew exactly who was responsible for this fury._

"...to the moment we walked into that room..."

_Sean charged into the apartment, with Nikita hot on his heels._

_She followed him all the way up to the room, the screams were coming from. _

_When they walked in the room, Nikita stopped, her hand instantly flying to her mouth in horror._

_Ryan was on top of Alex, her best friend...and he had her shirt torn off..._

_Sean charged up to them. "Get your fucking hands off of my girl!" He grabbed Ryan by the shirt and slung him across the room. Sean was about to go after him on the floor, but turned to his girlfriend, her well-being more important than his need to pummel that prick into next week. "Baby, you okay?" Sean's tone was instantly gentle, but urgent._

_Alex nodded her head tearfully. "Yeah, yeah. I'm okay." She tried to give him a small smile, but she was still terrified._

_Nikita was suddenly right by the bed. "Alex, I'm __**so**__ sorry." Nikita profusely apologized. "I'm so so so-"_

_"No," Alex shook her head. "That man has taken enough from you, Nikki. Don't let him make you feel guilty for his crimes too."_

_"She's right, Nikita." Sean agreed. "None of this is your fault." _

_Sean gently kissed his girlfriend's forehead, and gently patted his friend's shoulder in a comforting, but supporting way._

_Sean walked over to Ryan, who was coughing up blood. He grabbed him by his shirt and slung him against the wall, his fist holding him there firmly. "It's not enough for you to terrorize my friend, but you gotta terrorize the woman I LOVE also?!"_

_Ryan coughed. "Just making a point..."_

_"Yeah, well I got your fucking point." Sean said furiously. "Now, you get mine! You ever touch Alex or Nikita ever again, I will fucking END YOU!"_

_Ryan just smiled, getting his desired reaction._

_"You think this is funny?" Sean accused. "Maybe I oughtta just end you right now!"_

_Alex was scared. She'd never seen her boyfriend so furious before._

_"Nikki, I think he's really gonna kill him." She whispered. "We have to do something…"_

_Nikita had had enough. Enough violence, and enough of being scared. She grabbed the gun that was laying on the night-stand, the one that Ryan had obviously threatened Alex with, and she pointed it at a painting on the wall and fired._

_The shot was enough to startle both men. Sean backed off hesitantly to look at Nikita in shock._

_"What the hell are you doing?!" Sean yelled. "I'm doing you a favor!"_

_"No," Nikita shook her head. "you're doing YOURSELF a favor. Well, I've got news for you...if anyone kills this son of a bitch, it's gonna be me!"_

_"Baby, you know you don't mean that." Ryan shook his head smugly. "You know you still love me. You know we belong together."_

_"No, we don't!" Nikita screamed enraged. When the hell was he gonna realize she didn't love him anymore? That she was done? "I __**hate**__ you, and I as much as I would love to see Sean murder you with his bare hands, I care about him and Alex too much to allow him to do something that would ruin his life."_

_Sean saw the wisdom in her words and immediately backed off of Ryan. "Get out of here." Sean said coldly. "I ever see you near either one of them again...you won't be so lucky."_

_"Baby, come on...let's just go home and we'll sort all of this out." Ryan said sweetly._

_"Get the fuck out of here." Nikita spoke calmly. "What Sean says goes both ways. You ever touch me or Alex again, I'll put the fucking bullet in your head, instead of in that painting on the wall over there." She threatened._

_Ryan just shook his head at her. "You're gonna regret this, Nikita."_

"As wrong as it is," Nikita continued, coming back to the present. "sometimes...in my darkest times...I wish I would've let Sean kill him."

"That's a normal feeling to have." Michael said softly.

"Maybe so, but it's wrong on so many levels, Michael." Nikita stated. "I hate knowing everyday that I'm the reason that a man is no longer alive. You'll never be able to help your brother, Michael. I killed him. I murdered him. I took that away from you. I took it away from your whole family. I don't know how you can even look at me, let alone love me."

"Nikita, none of this was YOUR fault." Michael insisted. "Ryan terrorized you. If you hadn't done what you did, he probably would've wound up killing you at some point. I'm a cop. I know all about cases of domestic abuse. And let me tell you, 95% of them end in death."

Nikita just nodded.

"Even if he were still alive...I'd want nothing to do with him because of what he's done to you." Michael told her firmly. "Any man who could do those disgusting, awful things...well, they're no family of mine."

"Michael..." Nikita trailed off. "I don't want you to lose your job because you're trying to protect me. Destroying police evidence…you could wind up even going to jail! I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"Don't worry about that." Michael replied. He knew what he was doing was a possibility…if he got found out that is. He didn't plan on getting found out and he was pretty sure that wouldn't be an issue. "I promise you that I will take care of everything. You're not gonna go to jail, I promise you that."

"That's not important to me anymore, Michael." Nikita shook her head. "I don't want you to pay for my mistakes."

"Everything's gonna be alright." Michael assured her. "I promise. Just...trust me."

Nikita laughed. "The funny thing is...I do. I do trust you, Michael."

"I promise I'll never make you regret trusting me." Michael assured her.

Nikita just smiled slowly.

Michael got up, and took her hand in his. "Now, we're gonna walk out that door, and I'm gonna drive you home."

"Ok." Nikita was still uncertain and still worried for him, but she trusted him.

"And...none of this ever happened." Michael said. "You never confessed...as far as anyone else is concerned. I asked you a few questions, and you cleared everything up for me about the case. So, as far as everyone else will know...this was about drugs, and the mob. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Do you really think that will work?" Nikita asked warily. "And you don't need some kind of statement?"

"I thought you trusted me, Nikita." Michael teased lightly. "And I don't need a statement. As far as anyone will know, your alibi checked out. There's no way you could've possibly done it."

Nikita nodded. "I do trust you."

Michael smiled. "Then everything is gonna be just fine."

Nikita just smiled again, trying to stay positive.

"C'mon." Michael coaxed her. "Lets get out of here."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! This chapter is a Salex centered one. Oh and a special shoutout to Wootrar16: I'm currently brainstorming on how to help you out :) Hope you guys like this chapter :)

Chapter 9

*New York City*  
*Alex & Nikita's Apartment*

Alex bolted awake in her bed by a blood-curdling scream.

She looked frantically around the room for any sign of an intruder, but she sadly realized what it was when her eyes landed on her best friend's shaking form sitting up-right in bed.

"Hey," Alex said softly to Nikita, as she made her way over to her bed. "Nikki...you alright?"

Nikita wiped tears off her face, her body still shaking. "I'll never be alright, Alex." She breathed heavily. "Never."

Alex just looked down, wanting so badly to help her friend, but there was nothing she could do.

Nikita got out of bed, and changed her clothes. She put on a pair of jeans, and a sweater.

"You going out again?" It wasn't a question, more of a statement.

"Yeah." Nikita nodded. "I need some air."

"You know," Alex picked her words carefully. "you're not the only one that Ryan hurt."

"You'll never understand what he did to me, Alex." Nikita shook her head. "You'll never...you weren't there."

"No, I wasn't." Alex agreed. "He tried to rape me, Nikita." Alex's eyes grew dark as she revisited the worst time in her life. "Yeah, you and Sean got there in time and stopped it, but...you weren't there before that. You don't know what he did to me." Tears rolled down Alex's face. "You don't know what he made me do."

Nikita stopped, her hand frozen on the doorknob. She slowly turned around to face Alex horror strucken.

"Alex, are you saying…did he _do_ something to you?" Nikita asked, her eyes wide.

"Yeah." Alex nodded. "And like you," She choked. "I never talk about it. I never wanna talk about it, cause talking about it...it makes it real. It's too hard," She cried. "it hurts too much to think about."

"Alex," Nikita was at a loss of what to say. She thought that Alex was fine. She thought that it never went that far, but she was clearly wrong. "I'm so sorry," She broke off, tears in her voice.

"Don't." Alex held her hand up, and shook her head. Both signals that she wanted no apology. "I didn't blame you then, and I don't blame you now."

Nikita just shook her head, tears rapidly streaming down her face.

"I just wanted you to know...I wanted you to get that I do understand about what happened to you." Alex was keeping her voice controlled, intent on not breaking down right now.

"Alex, does Sean know?" Nikita asked softly.

"No." Alex shook her head. "If I'd told him...he would've killed Ryan and saved you the trouble. And…" She looked down ashamed. "I know he would've never looked at me the same way again."

"Alex," Nikita gasped softly. "that is not true! Sean loves you. He would want to know what Ryan did to you, what he made you do...he would want to help you."

"I don't want anyone's help." Alex defiantly replied. "It's over, and nothing can ever take it away. Like you, Nikki...I'll never really be alright."

At this point, both girls were silently crying, they didn't realize when the door opened until a voice filled the air.

"Hey, girls! I thought we'd get an early breakfast..." Sean's voice trailed off, when he saw both of the girl's faces. "What's going on?" He asked softly.

"Alex," Nikita began, not acknowledging Sean's question. "I really think you should te-"

"Nikita, no!" Alex said sharply, tears still rolling down her face. "I don't tell you what to do about your feelings, so don't you dare start telling me what to do about mine."

Nikita was silent. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to help Alex so badly and she really believed that telling Sean was the best thing…but if Alex didn't want that…

"Just go." Alex said, her voice softer. "Go on your walk."

Sean didn't repeat his question, he just stood there silent. He know something had to be wrong, but figured he'd wait til Nikita left and then ask Alex. She always was more open when it was just the two of them.

"Alex," Nikita shook her head. "I don't wanna leave like this."

"I'll be fine!" Alex forced her voice to raise in a laugh, pretending like everything was normal. "I got Sean here." She finished, her voice dropping to a softer level. A level that only she and Nikita understood.

"Ok," Nikita replied softly. "but I have my cell, so call me if you need me." Nikita turned around and walked out the door.

"Alex?" Sean's voice was gentle. "Why are you crying?"

Alex stood up, and quickly wiped her tears away. "I'm not! I just have...I have allergies, remember?" She tried to fake laugh it off.

Sean shook his head. "Alex, don't even try that. Not with me."

She was close to crumbling and she knew it. She had to get out of that room. She couldn't break down, then she'd have to tell him why.

"I think Nikki had the right idea." Alex said softly. "I'm gonna go for a walk."

"So, you're lying to me and you're avoiding me." Sean stated, a tinge of anger in his voice.

"Babe-" Alex tried to explain, but he cut her off.

"Don't call me that right now." Sean said with a shake of his head.

Alex's face crumbled. "Please, don't be this way."

Although, it broke Sean's heart to see Alex in any kind of pain, he wasn't going to let it rule him. It was really pissing him off that after everything they'd been through together, she was gonna go several steps back and start shutting down on him again.

"How should I be, Alex?" Sean asked. "Honestly, how should I be?"

Alex's arms were folded across her chest, she was openly crying and shaking her head back and forth.

"You're clearly upset, and you won't talk to me. You just shake your head and try to blame your cries on allergies." Sean shook his head, still in disbelief over her latest lie. "Allergies. Allergies, Alex?! Really?!" He yelled.

Alex took a few steps back, not used to hearing him raise his voice at her. The last time he'd raised his voice at her was...well, it was the last time they'd had a real fight. They didn't have those often.

"Don't." Alex shook her head.

"Don't? Don't what, Alex?" Sean's voice softened, he wasn't really pissed at her, he was just pissed at what she was doing to them. "Don't try to get you to tell me what's wrong? Don't care? Don't love?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I got a choice in either of those feelings."

Alex turned away from him, and leaned her crumbled face into the door, she fell down against it, as her body shook with cries.

Sean's face immediately softened at seeing the woman he loved break down in the corner of the door.

"Baby," Sean kneeled down to her level, and gently placed a hand on her shaking shoulder. "what is going on with you?"

Sean didn't understand this breakdown at all. The last time she'd broken down like this was after Ryan had almost raped her, but he'd gotten through to her and they'd been fine. He couldn't imagine what could've possibly happened to reduce her to this.

"Don't ask me for something that you don't wanna know." Alex cried, as she shook his hand off of her shoulder, but Sean refused to let her push him away like this. He pulled her body onto his lap, and he gently, but firmly held her in place.

"Don't wanna know?" Sean asked incredulously. "Alex, you're my girlfriend. I'm in love with you. You're everything in the world to me, and you don't think I wanna know what's gotten you like this?!"

Alex looked at him through tear-filled eyes. "I don't want you to hate me. I couldn't bare it."

"Hate you?" Sean gasped. "Baby, I love you. Nothing on this earth could ever change that."

"I cheated on you, Sean." Alex whispered softly.

Sean let go of her in shock and hurt. "What?" He asked in disbelief.

"It happened five yea-"

"I don't care if it fucking happened a decade ago!" Sean cut her off furiously. "I cannot believe this, Alex!"

"Babe," Alex's voice was small, as she tried to explain to him the truth. "please.."

"Do not fucking call me that ever again!" Sean yelled at her.

"Please, you don't understand!" Alex cried.

"Understand what?!" Sean spat coldly. "Understand that the woman I love is nothing but a liar and a cheater?!"

"I didn't want to!" Alex screamed through her cries. "He made me!"

Sean was silent as he watched Alex sob.

A few moments ago, he was so furious and so hurt that she'd betray him this way, and now...now he wasn't sure what to be. Alex wasn't making any sense to him. At first, he'd been so angry at the mere idea that he didn't know what he was saying. He still didn't know. Only thing he did know was that he loved her more than anything, and he didn't wanna say anymore things that he may regret later. He wanted the truth, all of it.

"Alex, I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." Sean kept his voice calm, not wanting to yell at her again, as that clearly wasn't helping matters any. "Are you saying you were forced into cheating on me?" He shook his head. "That doesn't even make any sense."

"Sean, I love you." Alex cried out. "I never would want to betray you like that in any way, but Ryan threatened you and-"

"Ryan?!" Sean spat. Alex flinched back, and his eyes softened. "This is all about him?"

Alex nodded her head rapidly.

"Baby, that wasn't..." Sean couldn't believe that this was still eating at her this much. And to this extent. "You did not cheat on me." He told her firmly. "That bastard attacked you. That wasn't your fault."

"Before you and Nikki got there..." Alex looked down, unable to face him. "He made me do things..."

"What things?" Sean asked her confused.

"Sexual things. Things that you and I would do...Things I've let you do to me, but that I haven't been able to do to you since." Alex confessed.

"Oh my God." Sean's body was shaking with fury. If that pig were still alive...what he would do to him...

Alex stood up, she couldn't stay and hear what he thought of her, she had to get out.

Sean's arm caught her hand before she could turn the door-knob. "Alex, wait please…"

"He threatened to kill you." Alex said. "He said that if I didn't do what he wanted, if I fought him on it...he'd make me watch you die."

"Oh, baby..." Sean was ashamed of himself, of the way he just flew off the handle at her. He should've known it couldn't have meant what she'd made it out to be, but when she'd said he didn't wanna know...

"I fought him anyway, and that's when he held the gun to my head, he said he'd take me by gun, find you and make me watch him kill you." Alex's voice was slightly calmer, but her body was still shaking. "I know what you think of me now. I know you don't see me the same way as before."

Sean's head shot up, he looked her in the eyes. "Alex.." His eyes were pained.

"I know you think I'm dirty now, and-"

Sean couldn't let another second go by without holding her. He took her in his arms, even as she fought him, and held her firmly there, his hands tangled in her hair, gently holding her.

"You're not dirty, baby." Sean whispered into her hair. "You're beautiful." He kisses her hair. "You're so beautiful and I love you so much."

Alex melted further into his embrace, taking comfort from him that he was so willingly offering her. "Ba-" She abruptly stopped, unsure. "Can I call you Babe again?" Her voice was small.

Sean closed his eyes in deep regret, as his angry words came back at him. "Always, baby." He gently kissed the side of her face. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I'm so sorry, Alex."

"I'm sorry too, Sean." Alex whispered. "I'm sorry for making you think I was fine all this time. I'm sorry for lying."

"I understand, baby." Sean held her tighter to him. "I understand."


End file.
